If love’s so easy, why’s it hard?

Lyric from We’re Just Friends by Wilco

Falling in love is easy. Our species survival depends on it. We seek out a viable mate, do the deed, and we teach our kids to become productive members of society (sometimes). This is how we keep the human species rolling.

What makes it hard then? Our evolutionary programming only takes us that far. I’m no expert but I think it’s safe to assume that healthy relationships require more than just fucking, eating, and spawning more dysfunctional little humans.

Love is easy. Sharing a life is hard. It shouldn’t surprise anyone. Have you ever tried to split eight pieces of pizza between three people? Wars have been fought over less. Human beings struggle to share the most trivial things. Why should it be easy to share an entire life with someone?

Relationships are give and take. They will fall apart if they’re one-sided. If one person gives too much they will become bitter and resentful. When one person takes too much they become entitled and ungrateful. Will they still love each other? Probably. But it won’t be easy.

Lasting relationships can only be built between those with compatible dreams. This is the source of most relationship drama. Partnerships fail when the individuals either don’t know themselves or they don’t know how to advocate for their needs. Are you working with your partner, or against them?

Compromises have to be made. A middle ground has to be reached. Love, and everything that comes with it, should never be easy. But it should be two things. It should feel possible. And it should be worth it.