Eye Contact in Romantic Relationships
Nonverbal Communication
General Information
Nonverbal communication is important to recognize in everyday life, specifically in romantic relationships. From a first date to falling in love, to an established relationship, eye contact can be used to develop an emotional connection and physical attraction, increase trust, and show mutual respect and attentiveness.
Before diving into the use of eye contact in romantic relationships, it is crucial to examine how society broadly relies on eye contact for daily communication. There are certain cultural and gender-related differences in the use of eye contact. For instance, “females tend to maintain eye contact longer than males, regardless of their feelings toward the other person.” Out of all females, Hispanic females hold eye contact the longest. This is important to note because it has been observed that “increased eye contact communicates to others that the person is dynamic, approachable, extroverted, sociable, and believable” (Hansen 2010). All of these are valuable characteristics to have when commencing a romantic relationship.
Establishing Romantic Chemistry Through Eye Contact (Emotional Connection & Physical Attraction)
During the initial encounters with a potential romantic partner, one focuses largely on flirting and romantic chemistry. In this stage, two individuals “increase both the playfulness and the sexual intrigue” in a relationship (Killoren 2020). One way that this playfulness is provoked is through the mutual gaze. This allows two individuals to get to know one another. In these interactions “gaze directed to the conversation partner signals attraction and likeability” (Vanden Abeele & Postma-Nilsenova 2018). Using eye contact can make a person seem more warm, personable, and likable. It can also stimulate sexual arousal and bodily reactions like an increased heart rate. One study examined the chemical reaction in the human body that occurs after maintaining eye contact with another person for at least two minutes. This study found that sustained eye contact “causes the human body to produce phenylethylamine, a chemical that is associated with falling in love” (Killoren 2020). With this reaction, two people start to form an emotional and physical attraction. In forming these connections, a couple must also focus on clearly relaying information and avoiding miscommunication. According to a study done on reducing uncertainty in romantic relationships, eye contact “plays an important role in the process of uncertainty reduction in initial romantic interactions” (Croes et al. 2020). With eye contact, a pair can limit confusion in communication and therefore get to know each other better. Eye contact can be a useful tool to spark an emotional connection and physical attraction all while reducing uncertainty and allowing two people to get to know each other in an intimate way.
Building Trust With Eye Contact
Once it is established that a couple has romantic chemistry, they begin to build trust in each other. During this phase, the two individuals increase the amount of eye contact used in interactions. In turn, this initiates the foundations of trust-building. Utilizing eye contact within a relationship makes one “seem more trustworthy and sincere” to a partner, “which will encourage more open and honest communication.” Likewise, studies show that “maintaining eye contact in a conversation encourages the other person to be more honest as well” (Killoren 2020). Honesty is crucial to understanding the genuine intentions and personality of another, which makes eye contact so important to use during conversations at this stage of a relationship. One study looking at the relationship between eye contact and trust during speed dating found that if one person does “not trust the person with whom they are interacting, they may decide not to disclose too much personal information as this may be viewed as too risky” (Croes 2020). With this information, the importance of trust in a relationship is clear. Without it, two people cannot truly get to know one another. The same study determined that the best way to improve trust is by using eye contact during interactions. Eye contact allows “greater interpersonal trust” and “can result in greater self-disclosure in cross-sex initial interactions” (Croes 2020). To sum up the essence of eye contact and trust, Kawakami et al. state that in most relationships, “a focus on the eyes may be related to trust and a willingness to form social bonds” (Kawakami et al. 2014).
Showing Respect and Attentiveness Using Eye Gaze
After developing trust, a couple can grow closer by having more serious and meaningful conversations. In order for there to be reciprocated satisfaction from these conversations, there must be mutual respect and attentiveness. The Daily Campus points out the importance of listening in a relationship. Further explained, this article states that paying attention to nonverbal communication like eye contact allows you to be “confident in yourself while also” having “respect for your communication partner, as well as an open mind to feedback” (Pupcun 2021). A key part of listening and mutual respect in a conversation is giving your partner attention. Attention, or lack thereof, can be signaled by the shift in and out of eye contact during a discussion. When in a conversation, “gaze aversion signals disengagement and disinterest” (Vanden Abeele & Postma-Nilsenova 2018). Eye contact and aversion have been studied by two authors from the Psychological and Brain Science Department at Dartmouth College. They found that pupillary synchrony can mark a shift in topic and indicate turn-taking in a conversation (Wohltjen & Wheatley 2021). Pupillary synchrony refers to the correlation of changing pupil size among two individuals while communicating face-to-face. A good conversation switches back and forth between correspondents, which involves “shifts into and out of a shared attentional state, with these shifts accompanied by eye contact” (Wohltjen & Wheatley 2021). Furthermore, eye contact signals turn-taking in dialogue. One research study used methods of blocking and permitting eye contact to examine turn-taking cues in dialogue. It found that “when visual contact is permitted between the conversation participants, a whole new dimension of complexity is introduced to the analysis of turn-taking phenomena” (Gravando & Hirschberg 2011). Eye gaze is a powerful tool that prompts the switch in speaking turns. The same can be said for switching topics within a conversation. These cues regulated by eye contact ease heavy and significant conversations that are crucial to forming a romantic relationship. Eye contact is a relational currency used to convey respect and attentiveness to another person.
Additional Research
Understanding eye contact in romantic relationships is a more narrow way to look at eye contact as a nonverbal communication technique. On a larger scale, research studies eye gaze as a measurement of perception. One example of research that supplements our understanding of the significance of eye contact is Lasagna et al.’s article about deconstructing eye perception. This scholarly article defines gaze perception as “the ability to accurately and efficiently discriminate others’ gaze directions,” and explains that it “is critical to deciphering social cues and navigating the complex social world” (Lasagna et al. 2020). This report enhances one’s preliminary knowledge of this topic, which allows us to then dive into eye contact in specific circumstances. In this case, the progress of romantic relationships relies on eye context. An additional article focusing on intimacy and shared eye gaze are Bolmont et al.’s experiments that highlight the difference between love and lust using visual patterns. These experiments tested the expression of visual patterns related to the perception of love and then related to lust. The findings of these experiments concluded that “a person’s eye gaze shifts as a function of his or her goal (love vs. lust) when looking at a visual stimulus” (Bolmont et al. 2014). This article expanded how the results of this experiment can be important in a clinical setting for couples therapy. Together, Lasagna et al.’s article followed by Bolmont et al.’s article provides great additional insight into the topic of eye contact and intimate relationships.
Future Research
Eye contact affects most people’s lives daily. In romantic relationships, learning how eye contact can be used in interpersonal communication is meaningful. The area of study surrounding eye contact in romantic relationships has limited research thus far. Three professors from the Human Information Processing Laboratory, School of Social Sciences and Humanities at the University of Tampere in Finland dove into the topic of eye contact in relation to arousal. They found that there was “a surprisingly small number of studies which directly have investigated the effects of eye contact on an observer’s state of arousal” (Helminen et al. 2011). Conducting more future research on this topic would be interesting. Understanding one of the basic human reactions (arousal) from a nonverbal communicative gesture (eye contact) would be helpful for other research areas and understanding romantic relationships. Furthermore, there is “little is known about eye gaze when it comes to differentiating intentions to love from intentions to lust (sexual desire)” (Bolmont et al. 2014). One suggestion of how eye contact related to arousal and the distinction between love and lust can be studied is to follow a similar research method to that of Jongerius et al. in their study which measures eye contact in human interactions. This study lists eight techniques to observe eye contact, including estimation binary or in time, coding sheet, timer, event recorder, video camera, a camera on glasses, eye tracking: head-mounted, and eye-tracking: desk mounted (Jongerius et al. 2020). All of these are described in the study and involve a discrete way to observe eye contact amongst individuals. With these methods, eye contact can be studied in context to arousal in romantic relationships.
It is apparent that various aspects are positively influenced by eye contact through multiple stages of a relationship. In this account, we can examine how an emotional connection and physical attraction are deepened through the use of eye contact. Additionally, the eye gaze has been shown to increase trust, and show respect and attentiveness in a conversation with a significant other.
References
Bolmont, M., Cacioppo, J. T., & Cacioppo, S. (2014). Love is in the gaze. Psychological Science, 25(9), 1748–1756. https://doi.org/https://doi.org/10.1177/0956797614539706
Croes, E. A. J., Antheunis, M. L., Schouten, A. P., & Krahmer, E. J. (2020). The role of eye-contact in the development of romantic attraction: Studying interactive uncertainty reduction strategies during speed-dating. Computers in Human Behavior, 105. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chb.2019.106218
Gravano, A., & Hirschberg, J. (2011). Turn-taking cues in task-oriented dialogue. Computer Speech & Language, 25(3), 601–634. https://doi.org/https://doi.org/10.1016/j.csl.2010.10.003
Hansen, J. (2010). Teaching Without Talking. Phi Delta Kappan, 92(1), 35–40. https://doi-org.ezproxy2.library.colostate.edu/10.1177/003172171009200105
Helminen, T. M., Kaasinen, S. M., & Hietanen, J. K. (2011). Eye contact and arousal: The effects of stimulus duration. Biological Psychology, 88(1), 124–130. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.biopsycho.2011.07.002
Jongerius, C., Hessels, R. S., Romijn, J. A., Smets, E. M., & Hillen, M. A. (2020). The measurement of eye contact in human interactions: A scoping review. Journal of Nonverbal Behavior, 44(3), 363–389. https://doi.org/https://doi.org/10.1007/s10919-020-00333-3
Kawakami, K., Williams, A., Sidhu, D., Rodríguez-Bailón, R., Cañadas, E., Hugenberg, K., Choma, B. L., & Chung, D. (2014). An Eye for the I: Preferential Attention to the Eyes of Ingroup Members. Journal of Personality & Social Psychology, 107(1), 1–20. https://doi-org.ezproxy2.library.colostate.edu/10.1037/a0036838
Killoren, Caitlin. “The Power of Eye Contact during Intimate Moments.” Relish, 27 Nov. 2020, https://hellorelish.com/articles/power-of-eye-contact.html.
Lasagna, C. A., McLaughlin, M. M., Deng, W. Y., Whiting, E. L., & Tso, I. F. (2020). Deconstructing eye contact perception: Measuring perceptual precision and self-referential tendency using an online psychophysical eye contact detection task. PLoS ONE, 15(3), 1–20. https://doi-org.ezproxy2.library.colostate.edu/10.1371/journal.pone.0230258
Papcun, M. (2021, November 12). Say what’s on your mind, effectively. The Daily Campus. Retrieved November 13, 2021, from https://dailycampus.com/2021/11/12/say-whats-on-your-mind-effectively/.
Vanden Abeele, M. M., & Postma-Nilsenova, M. (2018). More than just gaze: An experimental vignette study examining how phone-gazing and newspaper-gazing and phubbing-while-speaking and phubbing-while-listening compare in their effect on affiliation. Communication Research Reports, 35(4), 303–313. https://doi.org/10.1080/08824096.2018.1492911
Wohltjen, S., & Wheatley, T. (2021). Eye contact marks the rise and fall of shared attention in conversation. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 118(37). https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.2106645118
