Seven seas and Inferiority

I wish I could kill you, but I end up waiting for you to kill me.

Inferiority is a strange thing, weird feeling. Most of us would have experienced it, at different levels and intensity. As the intensity increases it takes the darker route.

I have achieved a decent life, a software company has decided to pay me in ‘$’ and moved me to Canada. For many this might seem as an achievement, for few yet another job transfer, for me one more mistake in life.

From where should I begin. I have had this feeling since childhood, I never felt I am of equal standards as my classmates. Rarely I feel someone accepts me for who I am, but I move away from them anyways.

Few things have itched on my mind.

Cousin calling me ugly,
Teacher calling me dumb,
Crush treating me like piece of shit.

Well, these repeat in mind, like a old casette playing forever. They just dont stop.
I know I am dumber than 50% of people and uglier than 90% of people. Its fine rt ? Life is not all about beauty and smartness.

Most things have changed quite a lot, mostly because I was lucky. Not my brain though, I still feel miserable. I find reasons to stay out alone, ways to avoid feeling inferior, ways to kill myself slowly

I have been wanting to start smoking again, may be it will kill me soon.

Fortunately this is temporary, does not last more than few hours a day.

I have made few weak attempts, but I still dont have so much guts.

I should either get over this or let it get over me. Let’s see who wins, hope this game ends soon.

Inferiority is bigger than a sea. I crossed seven seas to reach here, but still could not cross this feeling.

Well I hope I will laugh at this whole thing one day, until then just keep faking your happy life ☺