Jack Herlocker, your story won’t leave me alone, but it’s taken me a bit to phrase just why.
It’s actually pretty simple. To my mind, attraction, be it emotional, physical, sexual, goes far beyond physical beauty — masculine or feminine. Perhaps even sets it completely aside. Mike Essig wrote an excellent piece recently on women and their own body image, societal expectations and the ability to decide to say fuck that shit. I searched and searched, but can’t find it, so hopefully Mike Essig will be kind enough to chime in here with a link.
I think you sell yourself short. I love your wife’s list of qualities in a mate. It’s pretty identical to mine, though I never committed it to paper. As well, I wanted someone interesting and interested in life, in whatever drove him. I also wanted someone safe. Someone with whom I could speak out loud in my own voice, be who I am, and not only be accepted, but loved for it. True intimacy, not simply the physical or sexual, requires safety. Ultimately, I wanted someone as different as possible from the family in which I grew up. And I was fully prepared to go through life alone if no such person crossed my path. But one did. He died 18 years ago. I’ve now been without him as long as I was with him. Would I open myself again to the passion and profound love that come with the safety to be oneself? Yes! But he was a rare being. As I believe you are. Don’t ever sell yourself short for specious reasons. And don’t ever forget that your wife chose you.
That said………I’m totally with Jules. I probably wouldn’t spike your drink, but I’d certainly buy you one. You’re very fuckable, and the day after the morning after, I’d ask Mike Essig to pen a poem about it all.
Which is, of course completely academic, as I am no doubt much older than you. I’m a year shy of Mike Essig, which is certainly not old, but well beyond social conventions of appropriateness of passion. So I find other passions. And life goes on. Beautifully.