Wake Up Call
Today, someone said something to me that woke the sleeping lion. I still haven’t decided if they were trying to make me angry or just didn’t get It or care, but it woke me up and I heard it, read it, loud and clear! I realized this person was trying to use me like a toy on a shelf, at their whim. As if I am just sitting around waiting for them and will jump at their whistle. Everything must be on their terms, with no regard for the toy’s feelings or opinions. They will play with the toy for a while until they decide they’re done playing and put the toy back on the shelf if or until they have another whim to do it again someday, with no regard for the toy’s wishes, needs or just common decency.
I’m from Chicago. I do not mince words, and I don’t do Minnesota nice. I tried it, it doesn’t work. Many, many people don’t like me for this reason. But I can’t change — I’ve tried. I’m straight forward. What you see is what you get. I don’t lie, I’m trustworthy and loyal to a fault. I’m also nice, I care a lot about people, I will be there for anyone who needs me to be, and I’m not dumb. I let that part of me go with the pain and depression, but I’m awake now. Cross that line and treat me as if I am just a thing you can toss around whenever and for however long you want, I will come unglued!
So here ye, here ye — contrary to popular opinion I refuse to be a used and abused anymore! I know I’ve been out of it for a while. Because of my pain condition and depression and anxiety that has gone along with it, I have lost a lot of friends, most of them, and have been lonely. I’ve been so weak and tired that I have let people take advantage of my weaknesses and treat me badly in general, maybe because it was better than nothing. I was too tired to fight. I was too tired to care.
But I truly want to thank this person so much for opening my eyes! It’s the first real feeling, anger, that I’ve felt in a long time. That person would have been very lucky to have me as a friend. Maybe now I can remember who I was, how strong, fiercely independent and very outspoken I was when I felt something was worth fighting for. Maybe this will help me be stronger as I go through this long journey, which will hopefully end in November sometime when I am hopefully “fixed” and healed from surgery. I’m going to come out fighting! I am a Leo, after all.
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