I’m so tired these days.
I’m always busy with my term paper. I cannot even sleep properly. It’s a team work, so I have to go out, and work together with my group members. There are many contents on our paper. Of course, we must do our best. It always should be that way.
I don’t have any weekends. I go out in the morning, work the whole day and come back home late at night. No worries, by the way. We are going to finish it sooner or later.
It’s my rare break now. However, I’m not happy. I keep busy myself but when I give my mind a little break, it begins to get moody. I hate it, you know.
I feel so lonely. I don’t want to feel that way but just can’t help. I can’t read books, I can’t take a rest, and I can’t sleep.
The worst thing is I cannot feel a thing. I am neither happy nor sad. It’s like a body without the soul is breathing. My heart is getting colder. Sometimes, I’ve got a terrible feeling to lean on someone, but it’s just funny that I’ve got no one.
I feel so low. I asked frequently to myself, “Why?”
I’m never enough for anyone.
I don’t know who will stay or leave, so I pushed them all away.
I keep a lot of shits to myself because in reality nobody really gives a fuck.
I don’t feel like I’m terribly important to anyone anymore. I just kinda exist in people’s lives.
Sometimes, I forget how to feel.
People never appreciate me when I’m around, but they miss me when I’m gone.
I’m 20, still young but so damaged. I shouldn’t be like that. I know it right, but can’t help the fact that my thoughts are destroying me more than blades ever could.
When someone enters my world, I accept whoever he/she is. I’m greedy to get their full attentions. But I understand them always if they cannot give me the best of them. I’m there when they need me. But they always use me. In their eyes, my sincerity seems so cheap that they never value. They take the things that they want and they leave.
You know that right, people are so clever. It’s never their faults. They give the wise reasons.
Dammit. Stupid girl, you should have known.
Some people feel sorry for me. So, they sympathetically make some responsive acts. But it’s fake. They don’t really want to care about me. So I cannot accept. I pretend like I no longer care but I still do actually. It just hurts, you know. It just hurts me.
Friend, I am talking not only about relationship problems, it’s also about my friends, family and something like that. They are happening that way, all the same way.
Ah, I am so stupid. Why am I writing this? Still can’t cope with my emotional breakdown. To make matter worse, I am sick af. Too bad, huh. My life is such a mess.
Okay, let me stop here. I am writing this one now, and post it on twitter. Nothing will happen. No one cares. Ha, I’m no special and yeah, my feelings are trashes and means nothing to anyone.
Dear friend, I am destroying everything I touch and myself too.