This is True #1302: Pomp and Circumstances

Randy Cassingham
Jun 1 · 5 min read

The Least of His Problems: Cameron Jeffrey Wilson, 27, of East Wenatchee, Wash., jammed a gun into his front pocket. It discharged, shooting him exactly where you are thinking. That was just the start of Wilson’s problems. First, as a 13-time convicted felon, he’s not allowed to possess a firearm; he dropped the gun off with a friend while his girlfriend drove him to the hospital. As surgeons were working to repair Wilson’s manhood, they noticed that a bag slipped out of his butt. It was a bag of marijuana, investigators say; a search of his car found alleged meth, leading to drug charges. Once out of the hospital, Wilson was jailed, and investigators notified jailers of his drug hiding place. Wilson was strip searched, and another bag of drugs was found, leading to charges of possession of a controlled substance in a correctional facility. Wilson also made several phone calls from jail: recordings captured Wilson telling his girlfriend not to cooperate with investigators, leading to charges of tampering with a witness. The charges have been bundled into three different trials, so Wilson has a lot of court time ahead of him. He has pleaded not guilty on all counts. (RC/Wenatchee World) …At least they gave him a nice break: no charges for concealing evidence by passing off the pistol.

A Hero’s Reward: When a man with an axe tried to hold up a Portland, Ore., convenience store, the clerk was ready: he had a gun, and pulled it out. “I’m sorry,” said the would-be robber. “I’ll leave.” He put the hatchet on the counter as directed, and knelt down after the clerk ordered him to, but then he ran away. Next time someone tries to rob a Plaid Pantry, however, that clerk won’t be behind the counter: when it comes to guns on the job, Plaid Pantry practices zero tolerance, and he’s been fired. (AC/KGW Portland) …“I’m sorry,” said the man who foiled the robbery. “I’ll leave.”

Just Checking the Plumbing: Bryan Bellace, 23, of Egg Harbor City, N.J., proudly posed for a video while he put down his beer to pee in public — onto a memorial for a 9-year-old boy killed in 2012 by a brain tumor. The video, shot by Bellace’s friend Daniel Flippen, also 23, was posted to Snapchat. It went viral — leading to the young man to be vilified. Bellace has already been fired from his job: he was wearing a shirt with the company’s logo and name clearly visible: Bruce Bellace Plumbing and Heating. That’s right: his father tossed him out of the family business. The son has been charged with public urination, and Flippen has been charged with possession of an open container of alcohol in public. “We apologized to the family,” Bruce Bellace said. “Ultimately it’s my fault. Maybe we didn’t teach him right.” (RC/Press of Atlantic City) …Social media: weeding out one obliviot at a time.

Driveway Delivery: According to an arrest citation, an Amazon driver delivered a package to Kenneth Vance, 63, in La Grange, Ky. When the driver started to leave, Vance allegedly pointed a gun at him, telling him to take the keys out of the ignition and stay there. Vance then walked back into his house. “The suspect then returned with a rake and made the victim even out the gravel thrown from the delivery van,” the citation says. Vance was arrested, charged with unlawful imprisonment and wanton endangerment. (MS/Oldham Era) …Luckily, he didn’t have to first order the Amazon Basics Rake.

Six More Stories! Another obliviot posts incriminating video online and may lose his professional license (and be charged with a crime). School pretty much bullies a boy …on an international Anti-Bullying Day. Restaurant employees think there’s a bomb, so they run out …and leave the customers behind. City cleans out a homeless camp, and there’s some surprising stuff left behind. Homeowner’s association threatens an active-duty soldier for daring to fly an American flag — even after he points out there’s a federal law that allows it even if HOAs say no. Man on vacation probably wishes he hadn’t said “I want to see a bear, you know?” You can read ’em all: just ask for your upgrade to start with the 26 May issue. Upgrades start at just $9! Stop missing most of the stories!

Let’s Float this Proposition: David Jacobs of Georgia posted online that he was in Miami, Fla., to attend a wedding, and took a photo in the backyard of the house he was renting. It shows an inflatable alligator floating in the pool, with a real alligator on its back, showing a “keen interest” in his small dog. However, notes a local TV station, “Attempts to verify Jacobs’ account have been unsuccessful.” (RC/WPLG Miami) …Because in Florida, even the weird stuff needs more than mere photographic confirmation.

And of course, you want to see the photographic confirmation.

[There is an Extra Story that goes here, but it couldn’t be included in the newsletter for reasons explained below; you can read it on True’s web site.]

So Tempting. Sooooo Tempting Man Exposed Himself near University of Texas’s Pickle Research Campus in Northwest Austin, Police Say KXAN San Antonio headline

Early Notice: I’ll be speaking again at the Mensa Annual Gathering (national convention), held this year in Phoenix in July (ugh! — but I’ll deal with it!) I wasn’t happy with how it went last year, so Kit and I recently signed up for a series of classes in professional public speaking, and we got back last night from California for the first one. It was an amazing class, and we already came away with some major skills on how to improve above where we already were: my designation from Toastmasters International is “Advanced Toastmaster” — and my wife, Kit, is above that, as a “Distinguished Toastmaster”. (Trivia note: that’s how Kit and I met! We were the presidents of our respective clubs in Boulder.)

I speak at 6:00 p.m. on Friday, July 5: How I Learned to Think — by Observing the Biggest Obliviots Around, and Kit speaks at 9:00 a.m. on Sunday, July 7: Why Would Anyone Walk the Camino de Santiago, Anyway?! I know a lot of readers are Mensans, and hope to see you there.

Sometimes I Want To Cover a Story that cannot possibly be put into the email newsletter: those that definitely will trigger filters. Luckily, those sorts of stories can go on the web site. Hence: Just Visit Their Site Less. The story there is not completely “safe for work” — but the included photo is.

Also New on the Blog: an update from the story last week about the school that will stop recognizing valedictorians and salutatorians at graduation. A Premium subscriber wrote to the school — and sent me their response. The story and follow-up are at Pomp and Circumstances.

The “Least of His Problems” Felon who shot himself was by far the most-suggested story by readers this week. The last story (alligator on the pool float) was the second-most-suggested. Thanks for thinking of True!

No Podcast This Week due to being on the road all of last week. A new episode is coming out Monday morning.

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Copyright ©2019 by Randy Cassingham, All Rights Reserved.

Randy Cassingham

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Author of Weird News feature This is True — — and creator of the Get Out of Hell Free card: