TRUE 1310: Weirdest Headline of the Year

At least, so far….

For My Next Trick: The Johnson County, Iowa, Sheriff’s Office received a report of a reckless driver near Iowa City, driving over 100 mph and forcing cars off the road. Deputies didn’t get there in time: witnesses say the Chevrolet C1500 pickup sideswiped a semi truck and crashed into a ditch. Amazingly, the driver was not injured: he managed to get out of the truck and stagger back to the roadway — still holding his can of beer, witnesses say. David Alexander Axnix, 31, was arrested and charged with driving while intoxicated, failure to maintain control, failure to provide proof of insurance, and driving without a valid driver’s license. (RC/Davenport Quad-City Times) …No no no: “Hold my beer and watch this!” means you don’t get to hold it yourself. Start over.

Fast Food Fist Fight: Officers were called to a restaurant in Stuart, Fla., after a fight broke out. According to one witness, one of the males involved was “talking s — -” to another, then a cup was thrown and a door was slammed in someone’s face before an “all-out brawl” started. Keth Morine, 18, and Loren Perine, 18, were arrested along with three juvenile males. The five guys were all charged with “affray” for the incident. The restaurant? Five Guys. (MS/Orlando Sentinel) …Thank goodness they weren’t at Forever 21.

Delivered with a Toothy Grin: When officers from the Loretto, Tenn., police raided a suspected drug house, they got inside and “found Andy Perry attempting to flush methamphetamine along with several items of paraphernalia,” a department spokesman said in a Facebook post. Down the toilet, that is. “He was unsuccessful,” and arrested for possession of meth for resale, possession of drug paraphernalia, and tampering with evidence. “On a more or less serious note,” the post continued, “please don’t flush your drugs m’kay,” because “our sewer guys” are “not really prepared for meth.” That means it ends up in waterways, and “if it made it far enough we could create meth-gators in Shoal Creek and the Tennessee River down in North Alabama.” In case readers weren’t quite sure whether the department spokesman was serious, he added, “If you need to dispose of your drugs just give us a call and we will make sure they are disposed of in the proper way.” (RC/Huntsville Times) …By being marked as “Exhibit A”.

Is the Whole Car an Airbag? Employees got to work one Sunday morning at a Fort Myers, Fla., car dealership and observed that a vehicle in the lot had incurred damage. Fortunately, Modern Auto Sales has surveillance equipment. “So when we played the video,” said John Dileonardo, who owns the dealership, “the last thing we expected to see was somebody falling from the sky, landing on one of our cars.” But that’s what they saw. The young man had apparently dropped 20 feet from the business’s roof — Dileonardo thinks he got up there with the dealership’s own ladder. It’s not clear whether he jumped intentionally. The video shows him picking himself up and walking away after the fall. The incident happened in the rain, and police say that means there aren’t any fingerprints, but they are investigating. (AC/WFTX Cape Coral) …And so are agents who represent Hollywood stuntmen.

Florida Man Apparently Sensed that his robbery trial wasn’t going well, so he fled the courthouse. Florida man accidentally shoots himself with a stolen handgun. Florida man shows just how stupid Florida men can be — really, really stupid. Police defend their trial of facial recognition systems despite their spectacular failure. Woman thinks sculpture is “demonic” — a sculpture that’s being auctioned off to benefit a Christian youth organization. State child abuse hotline didn’t know of an email reporting address, so they didn’t check the urgent messages in the inbox …for five years. Boy in Florida definitely didn’t want to ride in the car with his older brother…. Texas 17-year-old turned down for a job over his hair, but publicity over the rejection turns into a lucrative modeling career. Plus the results of the July Reader Tagline Challenge. Tired of missing most of the stories every week? The Premium edition has them all every week! Upgrades start at just $9 and help keep True online.

Hairy Situation: When a flight from Bogota, Colombia, arrived in Barcelona, Spain, police couldn’t help but notice one particular passenger: he was nervous, clearly wearing a toupee, and there was something wrong with it. They pulled him aside since his wig was covering something huge on the top of his head. A search revealed a plastic bag with 503g of cocaine inside. He was of course arrested. Police didn’t name the man, but did release a photo, and put a value on the drugs of about 30,000 euros (US$34,000). (RC/Reuters) …If you think that’s an expensive toupee, the tax is up to 20 years in prison.

Photos of the suspect with and without his hairpiece, as released by police in Spain.

It’s Not Your Imagination, Things Are Definitely Getting Weirder
Logan County Man Allegedly Driving Stolen Vehicle Filled
with Uranium, a Rattlesnake, and Kentucky Deluxe

KFOR Oklahoma City headline

Last Week in My Blog there was an expanded essay that I originally wrote for the 30-year anniversary of the Apollo 11 moon mission. What if things went wrong? That was Part 1: One Small Step for [a] Man.

Part 2 is this week’s Uncommon Sense Podcast: If you think it maybe took an extraordinary amount of Uncommon Sense to get to the moon, you’re right, and this episode talks about some of the details that you may not have heard about before (14–1/2 minutes). As always, you can stream the podcast from the page, and/or read the transcript: The Giant Leap for Mankind.

No matter how much of the 50th anniversary documentaries and articles you’ve read, few if any covered the things these two posts do.

Next, I’m Sure You are Dying to Know the story behind this week’s headline, which is definitely the weirdest of the year (so far!). I wanted to know why he had uranium, so I researched it. That’s also in my blog: Your Task: Decide Which is Illegal.

Oh, you’ll also want to watch the video of the guy landing on the car. It’s here. My theory: he had been abducted by aliens, and that’s how they dropped him off after his probe.

Basic Subscriptions to This is True are Free at All stories are completely rewritten using facts from the noted sources. This is True® is a registered trademark. Published weekly by ThisisTrue.Inc, PO Box 666, Ridgway CO 81432 USA (ISSN 1521–1932).

Copyright ©2019 by Randy Cassingham, All Rights Reserved.

Randy Cassingham

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Author of Weird News feature This is True — — and creator of the Get Out of Hell Free card:

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