Brain-based Interaction Styles & the Benefits of Knowing of Them
Interaction styles describe how we interact with others. By familiarizing ourselves with the four primary styles / personal dramas (Controller/Intimidator, Critic/Interrogator, Indecisive/Aloof, and Complainer/Martyr) and identifying our own inclinations, we gain the tools to adjust our behavior, make better decisions, and more readily understand other people, including romantic and non-romantic relationships.
See below for comprehensive insights, including an exploration of how each interaction style aligns with one’s preferred side of the brain’s neocortex and one’s relative activity level to analyze, one of the four root emotions, and one of the four classical elements.
A Brief Introduction
In one of his books, James Redfield describes four types of personal dramas: the intimidator, interrogator, aloof, and martyr types (Redfield 129). In the context of our interaction styles, I categorize these as the controller, critic, indecisive, and complainer, respectively.
Much like the neuroscience-updated notion of being right- or left-brained (explored in another article), many of us exhibit a predominant interaction style, although each of us can at times use different ones. Often these interaction styles become quite clear during moments of contention (otherwise, though, they can be harder to identify, and sometimes even absent). Ideally, they will eventually give way to positive-oriented interaction styles (elaborated upon below).
As shown in the following table, the four interaction styles can be associated to people’s preferred side of the brain’s neocortex and their tendency to analyze. Unsurprisingly, they also relate to the four critical factors pinpointed by relationship authority John Gottman as culprits for marital breakdown: contempt, criticism, stonewalling, and defensiveness. Lastly, to clarify their core traits further, the table includes each interaction style’s manipulation-based response to issues.
The Power of Understanding Interaction Styles and Critical Relationship Factors
As we immerse ourselves in the realm of these interaction styles and relationship factors, we unlock the potential for heightened insights and comprehension of others.
For instance, when non-experts utilized Gottman’s relationship factors to assess 30-second video snippets of couples interacting, they successfully predicted 80 percent of the time whether the couple would endure or separate (Gladwell 46–47). In contrast, those without the aid of these pivotal factors, analyzing three-minute clips, successfully predicted a couple’s outcome just over 50 percent of the time (which is just better than chance) (Gladwell 32).
Similarly, armed with knowledge about the four interaction styles and our own predispositions, we gain the tools to adjust our behavior, enhance our decision-making, and more readily understand other people, be they romantic relationships or otherwise.
For example, my inclination leans towards the Critic/Interrogator style, which means I’m prone to blame others and provide excuses when issues arise. In knowing these tendencies, I can better examine my behavior and question my thinking to determine if they are being adversely influenced by these tendencies.
Better Understand Interaction Styles
Deeper insights emerge when we consider the underlying root emotion associated with each interaction style. As depicted in the ensuing table, these styles align with the four root emotions (anger, fear, happy, and sad) as well as to the four classical elements (fire, water, air, and earth, respectively).
Observing emotional responses, notice how the right-brain people’s root emotions more so come about through direct experience of the present moment whereas the left-brain people’s ones come about more so through attention to a different time — be it anger, rooted in past experiences, or fear, founded in future anticipation. A personal example illuminates this: as a left-brain thinker with heightened analysis, I had a fear-based reaction when visiting a third-world country whereas my right-brain friend with a lower level of analysis activity had a happy-based reaction.
As in the example above, these root emotions also relate to one’s level of analysis activity. Consider the interaction style named Critic, for example, who analyze comparatively the most of the four groups. This propensity favorably equips them to identify solutions to their problems; however, it also leads them to ponder the future, often ruminating on adverse outcomes. Such concerns readily pave the way for fear, rendering this group more susceptible to experiencing fear, including unwarranted and in excess.
At the other end of the spectrum, the Indecisive group tends to be right-brain people with comparatively the lowest level of analysis activity. Combined with their tendency to focus more on the present moment and its immediate future, these right-brain people create comparatively the least amount of worry and fear. Instead, they generally focus on pleasant and enjoyable aspects of the present moment. This leads them to find and create happiness more often (when compared to the other groups).
As the name states, though, Indecisive people more likely struggle to make decisions, and they also analyze the future the least compared to the other groups. This more likely leads to wrong decisions, eventual disappointments, and undesirable surprises, as well as comparatively greater hardship in such experiences due to a lack of preparation for them.
The Complainer group, the other right-brain interaction style, more so attends to the present moment and immediate future too. They, though, tend to analyze enough to identify some issues and potential future concerns, but their analytical depth falls short of identifying convincing solutions. Consequently, their world outlook takes on a negative hue, often leading to emotions grounded in sadness.
The Controller group, the other left-brain group aside from the Critic group, analyze but not quite enough to identify the correct solution to their problems. Frustrated by this situation, they tend to experience anger the most of all the groups. Anger, in turn, propels their inclination to assert control over others, either to advance their objectives or to avoid confronting unresolved problems.
In essence, comprehending the intricate dance between interaction styles, root emotions, and analysis activity level enriches our grasp of how individuals navigate their emotional landscape, contributing to a more profound understanding of one’s behaviors and responses.
Optimizing the Application of Interaction Styles
None of the four interaction styles is necessarily better or worse than another, and perhaps they all play a part in each of our personal existence. By being aware, though, of these interaction styles and their associated root emotions, we can better understand others and ourselves, and adjust our actions accordingly.
In particular, we can be empathetic to each other’s struggles and show more compassion in our interactions. When others experience undesirable experiences, we can even offer assistance, knowing that we would want others to do the same for us. Through such actions, we can reduce the negative effects of these interaction styles.
Furthermore, we can also choose to focus our actions on the positive effects of each interaction style. Such action uses each group’s associated ability for its benefits, just as we can choose to use each of the four associated classical elements for its benefits.
For example, consider the Controller archetype, who are intrinsically linked with the element of fire. Rather than employing their fiery nature solely to exert control, Controllers can channel it metaphorically to ignite motivation in others when friendly encouragement seems warranted. They can also guide others by illuminating the path metaphorically, especially when others find themselves in the shadows of uncertainty.
Critics align with the element of water. Water can advantageously be used for its calming effect and to move objects. Similarly, when others fear an unknown or struggle to move forward, Critics most likely best provide the rationality and understanding needed to either provide a calming effect or move them along.
Complainers are associated with the element earth. Just as the element earth provides support, Complainers most likely best support others and provide them with comfort by strongly relating to their struggles. Moreover, they can adeptly ground individuals who might otherwise stray into realms of unrealistic expectations or self-centered perspectives.
The Indecisive group, associated with the element of air, most likely best remind others of the benefits of staying light enough to move about freely, leaving behind any unnecessary encumbrances. They also most likely best inspire us to metaphorically look up into the sky and reach for the stars in it.
In tandem with these insights, and as detailed in a subsequent article, when we focus on the positive aspect of these interaction styles, they also reveal a corresponding societal role. Each of these societal roles plays a specific, indispensable part within our societal fabric, with no single role overshadowing the others in significance.
As an aside, the connection between interaction styles and earth’s four classical elements demonstrates yet again the beauty and benefits of getting to a deep root understanding. Through this deep root understanding, the associated items are simply and readily understood by most.
For example, based on the simple listing of each interaction style’s element, it clearly conveys considerable information: Fire people have intensity, water people go with the flow, earth people provide grounding, and air people are active and shed sunlight onto new ways.
For a simple and easy, five-step process we can use to discover other root patterns, see my book!
Also, be sure to check out my related articles, such as one identifying a brain-based unifying model of personality types / societal roles, another on brain-based sex differences, and even a brain-based explanation for handedness — a long-standing mystery, finally solved!
