The Truth About Why Oprah Never Married Stedman

Tia Truthteller
Aug 26, 2017 · 3 min read

Every few years Oprah opens up about her relationship with her longtime partner Stedman Graham. Their story is intriguing. They got engaged back in 1992. She gushed about it on her BFF Gayle King’s show. But Oprah never married Stedman and they’re still going strong. In fact, their 31 year partnership has lasted longer than many marriages in America.

Oprah never married Stedman-and that kept them together

She told Vogue magazine that if she had married Stedman, they probably would have broken up by now. Why? Because, according to her, “His interpretation of what it means to be a husband and what it would mean for me to be a wife would have been pretty traditional, and I would not have been able to fit into that.”

I suspect that when they got engaged back in 1992, she might’ve been ready and willing to be that wife. But she says the marriage planning never happened and over time her fame and power grew. In “Oprah:A Biography” by Kitty Kelly she explains that she’s scheduled to the max and loves it that way. She has always had great aspirations for herself and she’s always working on getting to the next level.

With no husband or kids, she was free to put her career first

We women often put our careers on the back burner to raise our kids. When there aren’t any kids in the picture and he’s not even your husband, the sky is your limit, as Oprah has discovered.

We women often put our careers on the back burner to raise our kids. When there aren’t any kids in the picture and he’s not even your husband, the sky is your limit, as Oprah has discovered.

Stedman is her live-in lover and gets to reap the benefits of supporting her as she chases her dreams.

She knew his Wife Box wasn’t big enough for her and her career

I can definitely relate to her concerns. It reminds me of growing up in Nigeria, a country where exposure to western values is only a few generations old. Although the society is traditional at its core (everyone aspires to eventually marry and women are the primary caregivers), the guys I knew had a variety of expectations about the role their future wife would play, and I guess it was really about what they saw at home. While many wanted college-graduate wives who brought in a second income, a few wanted theirs to be based in the kitchen, producing market- fresh pots of homemade soup and fufu every evening for dinner, freezer be damned.

I realized back then that if you were looking for someone to settle down with, you’d better look for someone whose worldview lay in your area of the spectrum. Remember the young lady I told you about in July who discovered her boyfriend was just pretending to support her career aspirations? That, along with his control issues were the red flags that showed her he was somewhere else on the spectrum. He would never be a supportive Stedman.

The biggest takeaway I see in the ongoing Oprah-Stedman marriage debate to me isn’t whether or not they’ll ever tie the knot-it’s that she has a forged an enduring relationship with a man who is secure enough in his manhood that he supports her and doesn’t impede her success.

If you’re a career-minded woman you need to do the same! Watch for the red flags, listen to his words. You want to know that his Wife Box is big enough for you and your career-sooner than later. #havingitall.

This article was originally published on TiaTruthteller.com.

Tia Truthteller recently released “Dating on Purpose: an Illustrated Guide to Intentional Dating for Commitment-Conscious Millennials” in paperback, ebook and audiobook.

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Tia Truthteller

Written by

Wife, mom,relationship nerd. Author of "Dating on Purpose" Follow me if you're a marriage-minded gal.

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