I looked at each word in the note.
Each word held a heaviness that I know. That I’ve always known. That I used to know.
Each word was written with the guiding process of the welling up of tears, and the carefully drawn trails it formed on my cheek.
I was so comfortable in this.
In this I found my comfort.
In this I had become content.
Today I read these words and understood them but I felt them not.
I didn’t feel negativity in my pores or the pressing need to weep till my eyes were sore.
I felt.. Relief.
When things happen, we fight and hurt and lose sleep and curse the universe for that aching feeling that presses on your chest like a load.
But everything works together for our good.
It’s amazing how God uses time to ease us. To help us.
To heal us.
You’re so used to pain, that love becomes like discomfort.
You know there’s a problem, the more you try to fix it, the more problematic it becomes.
Just let it be.
Let God fix it.
It will hurt.
Oh my word, it will hurt a lot.
You will hurt yourself and hurt people.
People you even think you love or care about.
Over and over.
They might even walk away.
Some will walk away.
But you see, God will remain.
He will hold your hand and pull you up, even when you want to be left alone.
He will pull you close even when you kick and scream.
He will love you when you’re unlovable.
He will be there when no one else is.
In him, you will find yourself again.
You will love yourself again.
In him alone is Freedom.