Do you ever have a moment when all of a sudden everything seems to stop. You look up from what you’re doing and you have no idea how you got here. How a whole day has passed you by and you barely even moved to pee. It’s not like this was a lazy day, spent on the couch with a bag of gluten free chocolate chip cookies (which I do not eat because I’m gluten-free, which I’m not, it’s purely because I am a psychopath and I think gluten-free cookies taste better than gluten infused cookies for some strange reason.) Anyways, I spent my day working on projects for clients. Looking back now at almost 1am I feel like I didn’t even get much done. So what the hell did I do all day?
I guess I should give myself more credit. I tend to walk, well I guess it’s more of a burdened haul, since I tend to put an inordinate amount of pressure on myself. Which I will admit is delicately placed on my shoulders by none other than yours truly. So what just happened?
I had a moment. At 1am.
A moment where I realized how big the world is and how small I feel. A moment where I realized that even if I sit behind a computer all day the sun still rises and sets. The world isn’t waiting for me…So why am I waiting for the world?
Why am I waiting? I don’t know. Am I waiting for someone to tell me what to do? Am I waiting because tomorrow I will somehow be smarter and wiser and then I will know what to do? Am I waiting because I am afraid? Am I…
Yeah… probably. No. Stop. Don’t hide behind probably(s) and maybe(s). Because deep down you know.
I AM AFRAID.
And that’s okay.