Here’s the problem with Millennials

Millennials do a lot of wacky stuff. For example a lot of times they spell stuff with Z’s at the end. This would be fine if it should end in an s but they just do it all willy-nilly like. “Hey you guys wanna get milkshakez” is fine. But like “there is no ethical consumption under capitalismz” is not ok um you’re wearing glasses use them dollface. Here are some other annoying things Millennials do:

  • They get mad at Donald Trump for not giving up his Trump brand but never ever got mad at Bob Dole for keeping his Oranges and Canned Fruits Empire.
  • They wear vulgar and disgusting shirts that say stuff like “I hate Tim Ross he’s a real piece of shit.” Rude!
  • They are always on their cellphones. Every time I try to stab or rob one of them they are pulling out that phone to “call 911.” Pay attention to the world!
  • They are always whining about debt. Everyone has student loans. Everyone has incurred some debt over time. Maybe stop whining so much and acting like I “owe you” just because I bet on a losing piece of shit horse for a couple grand. Stop sending Vinny to my house. It is hard to type with broken fingers. Damn millenials.
  • They put leashes around their neck and let their dog walk them. What is that? You’re a person and they are a dog. Why don’t you grow up?
  • They don’t know anything about hard work. I put a handful of them in a coal mine with a few pickaxes and their parents were so mortified that they grabbed their precious little snowflakes up and said they were taking them out of my daycare. Wtf, Millennials?
  • They are very lazy. Just last week I drove past a field of millennials and they weren’t at a job. They were standing on all fours occasionally eating grass. Like get a job providing milk isn’t a full time job
  • They keep saying stuff like “you destroyed the housing market” but how did I do that when I’ve spent the last 36 years living in a basement paying rent to the guy who agrees not to tell that family I live in their basement.
  • They write dumb blogs and thinkpieces on stuff that doesn’t matter like “You won’t believe how many starbursts it takes to fill a pond” and “can someone please arrest Tim Ross he keeps trying to eat my dog”

Stupid Millennials.

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