What TF is a safe space?

Safe spaces. I feel like I hear about these more from their opponents than their supporters. It’s a go-to response from certain types who perceive every appeal to being a decent person as someone “BEIN A SJW.” You know the response. They say something racist or misogynystic or generally awful and go “OH WHAT WOW SJW U NEED A SAAAFE SPAACE?”

I’ll admit, my natural inclination as a white dude who spends a fair amount of time busting the balls of his other white dude friends is “what the hell?” It feels almost like a reflex. To us the notion that someone needs a safe space because they feel hurt by WORDS is profound silliness. Especially for those of conditioned to talk shit on each other for recreation and then scratch our balls and go back to playing Madden.

I mean, even when words do hurt us we are conditioned to pretend like they don’t. And then go drink a beer and punch a wall or something. Not the healthiest approach but I’m steering away from the direction of what I wanted to talk about:

Words about our race and sexual orientation and gender don’t hurt us as much because we are the dominant culture. We’re the CEO’s and the Oscar winners and the politicians. We’re the Sharks.

But look at Nemo. Nemo is a clownfish. Nemo is vulnerable because he’s not part of the group that is running the ocean. He’s not a shark. So sometimes he has to tuck himself into a sea anemone. Because the world looks a lot different through his eyes and from his position. He’s not one of the Sharks.

To him it’s a world that feels entirely more hostile and unfriendly and intolerant. The Sharks don’t need a sea anemone because there aren’t Mega Sharks out there trying to eat them. They feel perfectly safe and fine swimming out in the open. The ocean IS their safe space so they aren’t in need of a place to hide away from the dangers of it.

But Nemo does. And minorities and LGBT folks and women and any number of groups might feel like they do. And that’s fine. It literally doesn’t affect your life to allow people a space that isn’t dominated by sharks to talk about the issues that affect them.

I know it’s hard to understand. I know it seems weird and unnecessary. But that’s cuz we’ve always been sharks. And a shark would feel silly darting into an anemone. Because they’re not for us. And that’s ok.

Just swim on by.

(An aside to clarify: It isn’t about personal strength or fortitude or weakness. The vulnerability is not a result of someone being “weaker” it’s a result of power dynamics in the country and who is in a dominant position and has the loudest voice in the conversation. The analogy is a bit weak here because it seems like each individual is a shark or a clownfish but it’s supposed to be representative of entire groups and the power each group wields in this country. I’ve muddied my own analogy a bit.)