Timesaver — Strangler Boys (Stranger Things)

DISCLAIMER: Written version may be different from audio version

Strange Doohickeys is a show on Netflix about boys finding…boy. It’s made by the Duffer Brothers, the same guys who worked on Wayward Piss and the hit movie Hidden? Ever heard of it? Neither did I. That’s why it flopped. Then, by complete miracle, Netflix made House of Cards. So they thought, “let’s make a not House of Cards!” When you look at the title with no knowledge of the show, you would think it’s a documentary about how Randy Newman could make a song about virtually anything. But not really. It’s actually a spooky show that takes place during the same year Atari became obsolete: 1983. Also minor spoilers for season 1. Whatever.

In a very spooky lab, a man goes looking for scary monster man who grabs him as they’re both inside an elevator, which is the worst place to go in a horror film, by the way.

During a quick board game of “Possible Foreshadowing” we meet the cool kids. These kids are Emo Boy, Token Black Kid, Dopey Sidekick, and Ian Hecox, also known as Dies Anyway. When three of the cool kids leave Emo Boy’s house, they go on their 80s bikes in 80s Indiana when suddenly, Dies Anyway falls off the bike and starts to zoom home. He locks the door and the door becomes unlocked. Knowing that his name is Dies Anyway, he decides to hide in the shed. Okay, never mind the elevator.

Now the other kids need to find him. But they’re not alone. Because they have a new member of their crew. Introducing Nosebleed. She has powers. Token Black Kid thinks Nosebleed is crazy and so is Emo Boy because he trusts Nosebleed. Meanwhile, there are other subplots everybody forgot about. So let’s just focus on the kids.

The gang find their lost friend and he dies anyway, yo…hang on a second. That’s not his jacket. *long gasp* ohhhh myyyy god…

Okay this is getting lame. We find the mother of Dies Anyway looking like a crack addict as usual. After all, this is when Reagan declared a war on drugs. That’s not gonna stop her, however. Because she sees lights being random and assumes her son is in a wall. So, Crack Addict Mom hangs Christmas lights and learns the ABCs. Ian “Not Dead” Hecox then writes his message by blinking the light that corresponds with their letters. From N, to I, to G, to- yeah you get the memo.

Later, I guess, Cracky finds a…thing on the wall, and hears the cries of her son. But the cool kids hear him, too. Through a radio. Oooooooooooh. Scary.

Emo Boy has a sister and her friend Barbera goes missing the same way Ian “Probably Has Herpes by Now” Hecox went missing. Nobody talks about her ever.

In case you forgot about Nosebleed, here’s her backstory. So, one day, she was born with supernatural telekinetic powers. Her dad got so jealous, he decided to let highly trained scientists to do experiments on her and eventually lock her up in a room with no windows.

I think she makes some sort of sacrifice at the end of the season. Oh, sorry. Was that a spoiler? Maybe she was one of those characters. The kind of characters that have cool stuff and die. Or at least be like E.T. and fly off into space. Remember when the black Powerpuff Girl did that?

They may have saved Ian “Not Dead” Hecox from that monster at the end, but they sure didn’t save Smosh. No, sir. By the way, throughout a whole season that was building up to this big climax, the monster looks like it came out of [WHOOPS SORRY THAT FELT LIKE TOO BIG OF A SPOILER]

You know, as sarcastic as I’ve been throughout this review, should you watch this show? Absolutely. In fact, it’s one of the best shows out there. Out of all the stupid original movies that keep going through the sewer, Strange People is by far one of the finest forms of entertainment on a streaming service desperate for more content.

I give Odd Objects a nine out of ten. It’s good. Watch it.

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