Timesaver — The Quiver (The Giver)

DISCLAIMER: Just like last time, the written version of this episode may be different to the audio version

The Giver made me give up. Okay, story time. I read this cool book called the Giver for my 7th grade reading class. It’s about how society becomes a utopia all because the bad no-no things are gone. Then it becomes a dystopia because of how terrible their utopia really is. 12-year-old boy Jonas gets his career, except he gets it much later when everyone else already has a career. As the receiver of memory, he meets this old guy called the Giver who sees past memories of actual emotions. Then, Jonas finds out emotions and shares them with his baby brother. Then, he finds out bad emotions and feels sad. Trust me, it sounds better than how I’m interpreting it.

It’s honestly not that bad of a book. Even if it’s very forgettable. Maybe that’s just middle school talking. Then, my 7th grade teacher thought, “after the book we’re watching the movie while analyzing how the movie differs from the book.” Yeah, I analyzed something. The movie is bad.

Let movie be a lesson on how not to make a movie based on a book. If you’re going to ignore everything from the book and make a movie about it, at least hop on the “inspired by” train. The difference between the Shining and the Giver is that the Giver takes about half of the book and makes a complete bastardization of it. You’re probably wondering why I’m taking so long to get to the Liver. That’s because it’s just not worth your time. But hey, that’s what this show is all about.

Spoilers, by the way. Not that it matters.

We start off the film and the thing shows up. The Weinstein Company. I’m shocked that it took them up until 2017 to go bankrupt. If the sexual abuse allegations were the only reason why they went bankrupt, I wouldn’t really believe that, would I? Also, the Giver. After the lost cause of a company shows up, in our mostly black and white setting, we see our main hero. Is he a background character? Well, he seems to be getting the most screen time. Wonder what his name is.

[breathes in and out]

Alright, now don’t get your hopes up. At least not too high. Because the Weinstein Company decided to make Jonas into a 16-year-old.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh BOY, this is gonna be bad.

Well, that was a bad start. Jonas gets his job as the receiver of memory. Blah blah blah, he meets the Giver. The Giver keeps having these memories of his daughter Taylor Swift who killed herself, except it was actually just the lethal injection that got to her. So, you don’t have to worry about her. But, the movie assumes just because Taylor Swift broke up with 72 virgins and made songs about them makes this an important subplot. Anyway, because Jonas is an idiot kid who shares elephant memories with his baby bro, the baby bro is taken away by the lethal injection people later in the film. Before that, there’s some scene where the Giver is having a World War II kind of seizure and Jonas sees this memory and cries like a baby. Even the baby’s crying was reasonable.

Oh right, the baby. Jonas and his friends, Love Interest and Goofy Sidekick, sneak into the “Kill Yourself” center to get the baby out of there. Then, Jonas and his stupid girlfriend who has no character at all kiss on the lips. That is literally the only reason why Jonas is 16. He runs off with the baby past the border called Elsewhere. It’s not even a wall. It’s just an invisible thing. As the receiver of memory, Jonas and baby boy go past Elsewhere and all of the memories come back to the supposed utopia. At the end of the film, Jonas sees a sled and rides it. It’s the sled from one of the memories, by the way. The color is not black and white anymore and I think our hero dies. If so, why is his voiceover narrating. I remember the end of the book where he says he could probably hear music, or it could just be an echo. That was actually really deep. But here, Jonas learns a lot about what it means to be human except shutting up. Even after that surprisingly deep quote, he still talks to the audience. Even the way he says the deep quote is boring and generic.

You wanna know how generic this movie is? I actually went on the Wikipedia page to make sure I wasn’t high while writing this. That’s how forgettable it is. The movie is a boring mess. In fact, it’s the same as both Hunger Games and Divergent. I remember being forced to see the first two Divergent movies and liking them because the mom dying was really deep and the people dying was really deep. That is all I can remember. I also remember being forced to see Amazing Spider-Man, Fun Size, and Pitch Perfect 2. Just like how my teacher, the guy who tries to influence us, forced my class to watch the Giver. When I was forced to watch all of those movies, it gave me the idea that I liked them because other people did. The only really amazing and unforgettable movies that I was forced to watch were Interstellar, Borat, and Megamind. That doesn’t excuse the other generic movies I had to sit through.

I’m glad I’m at that age where I’m able to actually watch whatever I want with my friends, and without being put on a leash. I loved watching It’s Such a Beautiful Day, South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut, GoodFellas, Black Panther, Captain Underpants, Lego Batman Movie, and especially Isle of Dogs. By suggesting a movie, you have to understand those who don’t want to watch don’t have to watch. Being required to sit through a movie you had no intentions of seeing can give you this feeling of being powerless.

Why was this movie a success?

So, I don’t know how the film industry works, but my guess is in order for a movie to succeed, the box office would have to be more than, if not, double, the budget. The budget for this film was $25 million, and the box office was $67 million. That being said, while there are films that earn less profit for the ridiculously big budget, other smaller and overhyped films fight for who will earn more money. It’s a rat race. It’s sad how real people were there to support this film, only to forget where their ten dollars went.

The Giver is the most shallow movie I have ever seen. It’s like a boring attraction for an amusement park that’s going out of business. Bad acting, generic stock Transformers music, stupid characters who add nothing to the plot, and a good moral told in such a boring way. The key words here are boring and forgettable. Why do I keep saying them? Because I’m pushing those two words as much as this movie is pushing its symbolism. Once again, the Weinstein Company waste their money on not only a movie that was never going anywhere, but also their inevitable death.

I give the Giver Upper a magnificent score of- actually it’ll just be better if I don’t score it. I’m not even gonna bother feeding this movie my attention anymore.

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