Tip #72: Just Put the Phone Down Already

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Written by: Sydney

Not to brag or anything, but I really excel at dating. And when I say “dating,” I mean charming the pants off of a guy at the bar and then having three to four very successful dates — nothing more and (usually) nothing less.

Why just three or four dates? Because, like many women my age, I suffer from OTS: Over-Texting Syndrome. It’s not officially a medical condition, but any twenty-something who has been burned, scorned, ghosted and kicked to the curb by a mediocre scrub in a plaid, ill-fitting button-down (do I sound bitter right now?) knows that when you finally meet a “good one,” your brain kicks into panic mode and you have diarrhea of the fingers. For me, this usually happens around date #3.

But there is hope for you yet, fellow OTS-ers! I’m going to provide you with the most logical tips for keeping your texts in control. You and your dates will thank me.

  1. Don’t drink and text

I cannot stress this enough. It sounds so basic, but for those suffering from OTS, alcohol brings out the chronic regret texting.

It starts innocently enough. You’re out with your girlfriends, sipping on a glass of Merlot at a nice Italian restaurant, when suddenly, you remember your ex lives a block down the street. Five glasses of wine later, you may find yourself waiting in line to buy a cannoli at 9pm on a Monday night, hitting send on your fifteenth text to your ex.

Trust me, you do not want to be sitting on the train alone at 10pm, eating a regret cannoli and crying over your lost dignity because now you’ll look like a crazy person when you send him another message the next morning trying to explain away the text blast.

“So, I thought it over and I think I let the wine last night get the best of me lol….”

Yeah, Sydney, LOL you did, BIG TIME.

  1. It’s not a numbers game

I’m one of those people who always has her phone on her, and unless I’m in an important client meeting or dying from the plague (and even then), I answer all texts messages within five minutes of receiving them. My fellow OTS-ers often think that the rest of the world also operates this way. However, Tasha reminds me on a regular basis, that normal people actually don’t live life glued to their iPhones.

It is also not normal to send a series of texts — say, seven in a row — because the person you’re dating didn’t answer the first one you sent at 9:36 a.m. It’s a weekday. He just got into work. He’s checking email. He’s grabbing coffee. He’s in the bathroom. He is living his Goddamn life, girlfriend, and your “Good morning sunshine!!!” text is not that important.

Now, if it’s 5:15 p.m. and he still hasn’t responded to your “Good morning sunshine!!!” text, one of three things has likely happened:

  1. His phone died.
  2. He died.
  3. His interest in you died.

Personally, I usually go with the third reason. That being said, DO NOT SEND HIM ANOTHER SERIES OF TEXTS. I repeat, DO NOT SEND HIM ANOTHER SERIES OF TEXTS. If your date did not respond to the first million, why would he respond to the second million? Have some self control. And if you cannot physically control yourself, give your phone to a friend #teamworkmakesthedreamwork.

  1. It’s about Face Time, not FaceTime

Don’t let the title of this tip deceive you — this applies directly to OTS-ers. I like to put my heart and soul into every well-crafted, eloquently worded text message. My dates, not so much.

In the beginning, the person you’re seeing may be equally glued to his phone, pining over the next time he’ll see your name flash across his screen. But, as we know, love is fleeting, and so is his interest in your long-winded text convos. If you share something sweet or sentimental in 100 characters and two emojis and he simply responds “Awwww haha,” don’t read too much into it (easier said than done, I know).

Think of it this way: would you rather the person you’re dating text you flower emojis and a “love ya” or show up to your door with a bouquet of Stargazer Lilies and actually say “I love you” to your face? I’d take the latter.

Major Takeaways

  1. Drinking and texting — or any phone use when you’re consuming alcohol — is a bad idea. And on that note, when is iOS going to give us the option of an “undo” button? Help a sister out here.
  2. For the love of God OTS-ers, stop sending so many text messages. I’m a perpetrator of this so do as I say, not as I do, and learn when to put the phone down and/or chuck it out the window.
  3. Aim for some face time. IRL interactions are always the way to go, and will help you on your road to recovery from OTS.