“The Happiness in Denial”

As someone who was overweight for many years and being a ‘Plain Jane’ as a ‘friend’ pointed out to me a couple of years ago, I never really put much faith in my looks. One thing I felt I had going for me though was my breasts. They were my one redeeming quality. Not Baywatch standard, but nice breasts at least, making up for my ‘wonky’ ass as another ‘friend’ pointed out to me as well.

Two years ago I was reading some article on how to find out if one had saggy breasts, so I took the ‘pencil test’. This is basically inserting a pencil ‘under’ your breasts and if it doesn’t fall off, your breasts are definitely saggy. In hindsight, breasts should probably not have an ‘under’ section so that was probably a red flag to begin with. Horror of horrors! The pencil stayed put like it belonged ‘under’ my breasts. I ran to my sisters to commiserate with me and the awkward glances they gave me confirmed my worst fears that they had known this all along. They went “Duh! Didn’t you ever notice that when we were wishing for big boobs we never used yours as an example?” Savages I tell you.

I honestly wished I never saw that article or that I just read and didn’t actually take the test. Then I would have continued with the Pamela Anderson visions of myself I had in my head. Somehow it appears my catwalk isn’t as sure as before. I mean the boobs are full and I can actually go out braless, but some voice deep down keeps reminding me of this ‘flaw’.

There are some things one is truly happy not knowing, like the knowledge isn’t life threatening anyway so one can skip ahead through life blissfully ignorant. Its also my belief that when someone loses a loved one, breaking the news should be postponed for as long as possible to be honest. Once they hear that news there is no going back. So every extra day not knowing is some stolen happiness. I had this Professor during my Masters degree who graded my coursework once with “Really good content but disjointed writing”. I knew I tended to go all over the place in my excitement to put pen to paper, but now she had put it into words for me. My writing was disjointed. I stopped blogging for a while after that, but it has probably helped me in some way. I mean this could have been a 4-page long story but I am learning to focus.

Happiness can be found in one word. DENIAL! or as the cliché goes, Ignorance is bliss!

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