Shower happiness. Water droplets pushed out of the shower head. Traveling through thin air stopped by the smooth, soft surface of your skin. Rolling down, cleansing and cleaning your skin just before they fall off again and disappear in a pool of similar droplets.
So I was standing in the shower today feeling droplets of water travel over my skin. Feeling refreshed and clean again. I looked up and saw myself in the mirror through the glass wall of the shower. I stood and watched for a long while. Whilst the second were transforming into minutes, I reflected on my body. I reflected on my mind, I asked them how they felt and I responded to them. I allowed them to speak up loud, show me their insecurities and their securities. Their beauties and their uglies. Their bad habits and their good habits. And I didn’t judge them, instead, I allowed them to go on and on but still feeling present.
A few minutes had passed and many droplets had disappeared in a big pool. But yet I still stood there, quiet, feeling present. The smooth but crackly voice of Passenger in the back and I listened. Not to his songs but to my body. I felt its insecurities and I comforted them. I felt its weaknesses and I held them up strong. I felt my pains and I allowed them to be there putting bandages over them. It all felt in sync, even though there was a lot to be insecure about. A lot to feel weak about and a lot to feel pain about. But it all felt ok.
I stopped the shower, the droplets stopped and left my skin to dry again. I opened the shower door and there I stood in front of the mirror. A scary thing a mirror is, it shows you completely vulnerable nothing to hide and nothing to fantasize about. That’s you, that’s me in that mirror. The droplets of water that were still on my skin were quickly replaced by tears rolling down my cheeks. Tears I haven’t felt in a while but felt so good. So pure I can’t describe them.

I thought of the love I’ve felt from the people around me and how I didn’t love myself even though they did. I thought about the secure person I wanted to be for the people around me and yet I felt so insecure standing in front of the mirror. And for some reason, those insecurities disappeared as the tears rolled down. That man in the mirror, that naked man, that was me. So shocked and so happy I looked myself in my dark brown eyes. And lost track of time again. It felt surreal, I for ones was comfortable in my own skin. I for ones felt secure about how I looked. I for ones felt happy with what I had accomplished with exercising for almost 2 years. And I closed my eyes slowly.
Still feeling tears pushing through my eyelashes but it all was ok. I accept everything that is me for ones. I felt completely me not holding back anything or hiding anything from myself. I know why and I will keep that to myself for now.
But I know that we must all find that thing, that someone that could help us make us feel less insecure. It isn’t just one thing in my particular case, it has been many people and many moments in my life that have to lead to this moment and this feeling as well as doing a lot of meditation and exercising. It can’t be reached alone, it never can. I would love to tell you it would be possible but it can’t. I have tried to reach complete security about myself on my own but I lost that fight. I got into a deeper pit than I was before. We need help, whether you are a woman or a man, we need help. We need tears to flow because they have no place in our body they carry out all that is not needed in our minds and in our bodies. And we need to let toxic thoughts out.
I have learned for myself that the shower, deep conversations with people around me, exercising, meditating and looking myself in the eyes, have lead up to become more and more confident about myself.
A shower of happiness is the perfect place to clean yourself. Not only clean your body but clean your mind, your toxicity, your anger, your insecurity all in this shower of happiness it is one of those places where you can feel comfortable with being uncomfortable. Let out the tears without anyone noticing, looking at yourself, admiring yourself without anyone noticing. Breath and feel. FEEL.
Feel the water droplets on your skin, Feel the puddle of water touching your feet. Feel skin whether it is beaten, broken, scared or soft, but feel it. Feel everything you can think of. And you will eventually feel beauty.
Feel secure, feel yourself, feel honest, feel alive.
You will have lived today. And you will have seen beauty everywhere.

