A Day Which Changed My Life Forever

On November 30th, 2011, my desk melted from beneath my laptop.

This was not a normal occurrence.

Then, the clock on the wall stopped moving. The furniture dissolved into nothing. My entire apartment suddenly vanished and I sat alone, typing.

After an hour of work, I was only 3,000 words away from finishing my NaNoWriMo novel. I could really make it. This world, my world, was the only one that existed.

At 11:23 P.M. I typed two final words — THE END.

A moment of euphoria, then disappointment.

Disappointment because I realized finishing doesn’t make me feel powerful.

Melting into the work makes me feel powerful.

  • When I melt into the work — I can ignore calls about overdue bills.
  • When I melt into the work — I can be anything I want. I am a martian. I am an alien. I am a genius. I am a fool.
  • When I melt into the work — I can stave off my inevitable insignificance for another moment.
  • When I melt into the work — I can be selfish.

Over the past two years, I have created somewhere around 650 posts. Today, I wrote this post. Later, I will go to my kitchen and wash dishes. This afternoon, I will probably be scooping cat poop.

I write to escape reality. There are no two ways about it. I hate being finished with something because that means I must stop writing.

Truthfully, I am scared to slow down. What if nobody loves me without my writing? Where will I get my validation if not strangers on the internet?

In my own empty universe, I am all-powerful.

I am trying to carry some of that power to the real world, where there are real human.

So far, it’s going okay.