“2017 was THAT year!”

In just six months, as the founder of Tokunbo’s Kitchen, I personally assumed the responsibility for a number of events that resulted in feeding over 5000 people, still I find it hard to fully accept my position or refer to myself as a chef.

Recently, my fifth pop up event of the year, was filmed and featured on the BBC Africa news site. Yet, although I watch the clip with a sense of incredulous pride, I cringe thinking about ALL the things I didn’t do well. In my mind, I feel a ‘real chef’ would see them and call me out for the imposter that I am. Similarly, a few months ago, I was invited to participate in the New York African Restaurant week. Upon checking the bio of the other participants, a stark realisation dawned on me. I was the only one who had submitted a bio without the Chef title.

Seems I am suffering what I can only self diagnose as a mild case of “imposter syndrome” a phenomenon that apparently is not unique to myself. It results in a persistent feeling of inadequancy and fear of being exposed as a “fraud” largely due to holding oneself to impossible standards.

Don’t get me wrong, I am incredibly proud of myself and my achievements, especially for someone who is not a self described ‘foodie’. But this only adds to elevate my feelings of inadequancy especially when I consider the fact that I never, EVER, had any aspirations to become a chef or open a restaurant.

Recently, my way to counteract this imposter syndrome feeling is to remind myself, regularly, of my achievements. I have started to accept that not only am I deserving of having a seat at the table, without me, there would have been no damn table!

2017 Reflections

I started the year determined to take full control of my life and my business through creating strategic opportunities and partnerships for myself. Well the year started off on a rollercoaster of incredible lows and highs that had me ready to give it all up by mid March!

January: the makings of a new romance and some money in my account had me very excited about what the year had to offer. But things quickly went south and my first business ventures ending up with me literally flat broke. I ended the month unsure if the business was going to sustain my needs for the rest of the year.

February: the romance was certainly blooming and in a short space of time he broke down walls I had built up reminding me that I am still very much an “incurable romantic”. My first pop up event of the year was a great success with sold out crowds each night even amidst continuous learning and fire shooting. I was also in talks with someone whom I felt was going to be the ideal business partner for me in many ways.

Sadly this was also the month my car broke down but little did I realise what a nightmare this would be until much later. I was so financially constrained at the time that it it happened that I literally left it parked it up and looked for alternative options. This caused me endless headache for many months to come and resulted in significant financial lose.

March: I had my second pop up event, a rebranding of my supper club to the now renamed ‘Conversations in Tokunbo’s Kitchen’. It was a collaboration effort with my new business partner and worked even better than I had expected. There were early signs that this partnership might not be the stuff fairy tales are made of. But I was so excited I chose to focus on the positives rather than dwell on the negatives.

Oh but that blooming romance crashed as spectacularly as it had started. I ended the month in a really dark and lonely place. A tweet I sent out on one of those dark days resulted in such goodwill from so many ‘social media friends’ and even from unexpected ones that I was determined to push through.

April: finally business was starting to pick off with lots of new and exciting opportunities and ventures in the pipeline. Alas, the month started with a catastrophic fight with my new business partner which pretty much derailed our fairy tale partnership. And no matter how well we worked together (and boy did we attempt reconciliation on several occasions) we were clearly not cut out to be together.

May: with romance and business partnerships now both done and dusted (or so I thought) my focus was now on building my business once again by my solo self. Started a six weeks residency that truly was the makings of me feeling proud to finally refer to myself as a chef. This involved actually creating a restaurant style menu and service in what must be the smallest of kitchens ever known to man! And my goodness, did I pull it off and to great success. In fact, this was the most profitable venture of my business ventures thus far and truly gave me inspiration of what the future holds for me. I also had my first street food festival of the season, again to acclaim success.

June: my time was mostly spent on the residency. Thus losing out in partaking in the most spectacular of early British summer sunshine as all my weekends were spent working!

July: I signed up for another residency, a weekly street food market as well as TWO major street food festival, both taking place on the same weekend! This got the business partner back on the scene which turned out to be the biggest ‘mistake’ I have ever made. And one that I am still not fully financially recovered from (nor have I fully forgiven myself for).

Whilst I, incredibly with very little sleep, managed to pull off the hectic madness that was this gruelling business month, it was at a great cost personally and financially. I stretched myself so widely that none of the ventures were the great successes I had hoped for. Still I felt I had come full circle in my business acumen and in knowing just what I was capable of achieving.

I also received an invitation to New York to be a visiting chef at the New York African restaurant week (NYARW). I was so thrilled and excited at the prospect of my first international event.

August: the past eight months had seen me ‘existing’ in a bedsit flat with my ten year old daughter. Even with the many limitations, I still worked hard to build my food business working in a small kitchen with limited space. The month started off with the promise of a brand new spanking flat with so many cupboards I am still unable to fill them all up! So excited was I that when I finally got the keys, three weeks later, I spent that first night there with no furniture except the new mattress I had just brought which I lay on the floor and said a prayer of gratitude for my new reality.

I continued on with the residency despite its never ending problems. The weekly street food market ended abruptly but that surprising. I once again, crazily operated at two street food festivals, both taking place at on the same weekend. Strangely enough, the one that I had very little expectations about turned out to be my most successful festival of the summer! It was a very hectic and gruelling summer and I was absolutely ready for a break!

September: was thankfully a much quieter month mostly spent waiting for New York to materialise. That it took so long to get details or ticket fare were warning signs of some of the issues that arose later on. Alas, I was already committed and promotional material stating my participation had been posted. So I was in a state of limbo in that I was unable to make any other plans nor was I fully able to feel excited for it despite all the excitement others were feeling about it for me.

Nonetheless, I held two supper club events, including my second business year anniversary which, sadly, was more stressful than joyful. On the other hand, the press release about the event did get me some great features including an invitation to be a guest speaker at a food trends event later in the year!

October: my dream to spend my birthday dancing salsa with a hot Afro Latino guy was cruely thwarted by Mother Nature. But New York did serve up a tall dark and distinguishably handsome gentleman with whom much fun was had. Let’s just say, New York was GREAT for my already over inflated ego ;-)

My first international event was a rollercoaster of emotions. This was the very epitome of stepping out of my comfort zone at every level. Highlights include, assisting an ALL-STARS team of African chefs at a historic and prestigious dinner at a highly revelled culinary institution. I also got to work with the amazing and inspiring Chef Pierre Thiam from Senegal. I did not even know them event was for the President of Tanzania until after I arrived at the private residence on the 87th floor of the Trump World Tower! It was truly an unforgetable night!

Still there were many lessons learnt mostly on the need to research ANY person or business opportunity before any agreements are made.

November: another quiet and sombre month one in which I started to consider other alternative ways of making income including possibly getting a part time job. Still it was one of the best months of my year as I had my first major speaking engagement at The Food People food trends event. This led to a BBC radio interview AND them asking to come film my Christmas party supper club!!!

Also managed to get a couple of catering jobs, including one at a Virgin Startup networking event which was well received (though ended up been unnecessarily stressful due to the irresponsible behaviour of staff).

December: a quiet and reflective month with no work and the dealings of some personal emotional trauma had me mostly in self hibernation mode.

The month ended with the BBC Africa feature which currently has over 100,000 views on Facebook!

2018 will see me take up both business mentoring and coaching to progress and scale up things to levels I couldn’t imagine alone. It is also, definitely, the year I am planning to fully grow into this unexpected role and walk proudly in my steps as CHEF Tokunbo Koiki of Tokunbo’s Kitchen.