Star Wars Retro: Attack of the Clones
The one where Anakin doesn’t like sand
As lockdown drags on, I indulge in comfortable nostalgia and re-watch all of the Star Wars films to work out if they’re as good or as bad as I remember…
Star Wars — Episode II: Attack of the Clones was released in 2002. Following the much-derided — yet highly successfully — The Phantom Menace, this was a chance for director, George Lucas, to right the wrongs of the first prequel film and build upon the franchise’s rich mythology.
To the relief of most, Jar Jar Bink’s screen time was cut significantly and with acting royalty, Sir Christopher Lee, on board, it looked like the second instalment of the trilogy was going to improve on the first. Lucas’ dialogue however, was once again seen as a clunky distraction and the casting of Hayden Christensen as Anakin Skywalker was heavily criticised.
Opinion is split as to whether Attack of the Clones is an improvement on The Phantom Menace. Watching some 18 years later, will the film prove to be a course correction for the franchise?
Skittles
Three years separated the releases of Episodes I and II. In this time, Lucas must have invested a lot into improving the CGI. The first act is rooted on the city-planet, Coruscant, and the director lets us know just how shiny everything looks in a cityscape. Compare the trademark Naboo ships to their previous iterations in The Phantom Menace and you’ll see sleeker, more detailed designs swinging across the skyline.
Some of the CGI even holds up well against today’s effect-drenched films. Lucas deserves credit for pushing boundaries and setting a template for blockbusters to follow.
How much credit is debatable though.
This template shoves a load of Skittles down the audience’s throats and expects them to revel in sugary ecstasy for two-and-a-half hours. CGI is lathered across every scene. Although this makes the film’s visuals stand out more than its predecessor, Lucas is guilty of indulging in spectacle for spectacle’s sake — and hoping this makes up for a lack of drama.
A prime example of this is the climactic battle between Lee’s, Count Dooku, and Anakin. The lights are cut; we see flashes of blue and red lightsabers like it’s the 80’s again and Luke is fighting Buckethead in Bespin. Before you know it, Ani is schooled by the old fella and then the old fella gets schooled by an even older green, bouncing midget. By this stage, no one really knows what’s going on and no one really cares. The scene looks tense, but it doesn’t feel tense.
Red lines
One of the main reasons for the film’s lack of drama is that it tries to do too much. Attack of the Clones feels like three films in one: a war story, a romance and a hard-boiled detective case. There’s little time to introduce characters. Despite being the film’s main villain, Count Dooku’s introduction feels rushed when compared to the silent and gradual reveal of Darth Maul.
The dialogue also hits new lows. Whilst The Phantom Menace didn’t dwell on script clangers for too long, its follow-up places the “romance” between Ani and Padmé front and centre. In between films, the padawan Jedi has been honing his saber skills, but he’s also been working on his game — as highlighted by this early exchange between the pair:
“My goodness… you’ve grown!”
“You’ve grown more beautiful.”
Ani makes it clear to everyone that he hasn’t stopped thinking about Padmé since their first encounter and there are enough creepy gazes to turn this into a much different film about stalkers and unhealthy obsessions. Of course, the former Queen of Naboo caves into his charms because this is a 2002 film and what woman isn’t attracted to a Jedi with anger management issues? The love-struck couple end up getting married with C-3PO and R2-D2 looking on, but you do wonder whether the robots have more chemistry than the couple.
Hayden Christensen was once less popular than Jar Jar Binks with Star Wars fans and he spends most of the film in some form of tantrum. In retrospect, he is forced to chew through some awful dialogue.
Before fighting Dooku, Anakin screams, “You’re going to pay!” like it’s the beginning of a Mortal Kombat death match.
At several points in the film, he openly declares that O-Dubs is “like a father” to him and yet the interactions between the two Jedi feel forced. Following a stint living in East London, Obi Wan has grown a glorious beard that gives him the right to berate his apprentice for saving his life on numerous occasions. The peak of this dynamic comes when O-Dubs asks Anakin, “Why do I get the feeling that you’ll be the death of me?”
We see what you did there, George!
No sh*t, Sherlock
When the script isn’t too busy amazing us with subtle foreshadowing, it dazzles the audience with the bearded one’s powers of deduction. Just as Baywatch gave David Hasselhoff his own detective spinoff, Baywatch Nights, Lucas gives Obi Wan a Maltese Falcon mystery to grapple with. There are some great scenes including O-Dub’s rainy encounter with Jango Fett, but as you follow a high-speed chase through Coruscant that feels more like a cartoon than a serious mystery, you realise that the characters have similarly cartoonish levels of intelligence.
For the second film in a row, O-Dubs is conveniently side-lined in a lightsaber duel, he gets captured off-screen and is schooled by the “younglings” at the Jedi temple. He also struggles to unpick a rather nonsensical conspiracy.
To summarise… a long-dead Jedi apparently ordered the creation of a clone army years ago without anyone ever knowing. The giraffe-necked cloners continued working on this order for years never reaching out to their customer. O-Dubs fights with the bounty hunter who provided the original DNA for the clones. He then follows said bounty hunter to another planet and discovers that the guy is actually working for the opposing side of a political dispute.
Whilst The Phantom Menace hinted at the Jedi’s fallibility, the sequel takes this to comical extremes. Anakin and Padmé are put together — despite Ani’s clear infatuation. Nick Fury announces to Dooku that the “party’s over” and then sees a load of his fellow Jedi gunned down. Yoda then happily makes use of a clone army — despite being all hippy about peace — and not one of them questions why the army was created in the first place. O… and that Sith master they were speculating on in the first film is still making power moves as Supreme Chancellor.
Lucas explains the Jedi’s inability to think properly with constant references to some dark thing happening somewhere in The Force™. But you don’t need to be a force-user to unpick the film’s central “mystery” — it’s simply a lazy plot device.
War
The director may have hoped that a deluge of explosions would cover up the film’s numerous plot holes. The ploy doesn’t work, but Lucas does have some success in depicting the machinations of war. For once, this doesn’t involve blowing up some ships in space.
The film’s climactic battle on Geonosis is a CGI-fest that just about works despite Padmé’s ridiculous white get-up. Through the power of The Force™, the costume stays spotless and she is imbued with the ability to shoot down foes with unerring precision. For the past two films, she has told anyone who will listen that she hates war, but now we know that she’s secretly going to the shooting range once the cameras are turned off.
The battle scenes are effective enough in conveying the physicality of a skirmish, as well as the difficult decisions war forces upon the Jedi. When Ani throws another tantrum after Padmé falls off the air-carrier, O-Dubs reminds him of the overall objective. It’s a short exchange that demonstrates the ruthless detachment of the Jedi who slip seamlessly into the roles of military generals. Minutes later, the two Jedi are dropped off to face Dooku and their ship is blown out of the sky. Neither of them considers the lives lost in the explosion. This could be a commentary on the dehumanisation of war — or it could just be another mindless explosion to distract the audience. No one knows.
The closing act
Attack of the Clones ends with Palpatine overlooking his newly amassed army. Although the narrative leaps to get there are quite nonsensical, it’s a powerful way to end the second prequel. Once again, Lucas deserves credit for trying something different. But the film’s weaknesses are too glaring to ignore: cringe-inducing dialogue, a litany of plot holes and little time for character development. Worst of all, very few scenes stand out. The film is simply quite forgettable.
Score: 4.5/10
Post-credits
- The assassination attempts in Coruscant are arguably the strongest part of the film. This writer would still love to see Michael Mann direct a film about the Sith manipulating the Senate in a moody thriller.
- Attack of the Clones introduces a young Boba Fett and his father, Jango. It’s been said before… does every character from the original film need to have a significant backstory?
- C-3PO is quite annoying in this film.
- Many — including Liam Neeson — have questioned the intelligence of Jar Jar Binks, but the Gungan is probably the real Sith master. For whatever reason, he’s allowed in the Senate and duly grants Palpatine emergency powers. What a legend.
