I have in the last year a tiny taste of your world — I have had a repeating issue with pain in my hands (and later, sciatica). Before I had it diagnosed, I spent a week mostly unable to use my hands… which, for someone who types obsessively for work, plays musical instruments, and sometimes does magic tricks and origami, was a Hell I had never experienced (though, to be honest, I’d always lived in fear of).
Thanks to a super-excellent therapist, I found out I can fix this with exercises and some physical therapy, so I’m “just visiting”, but I have some idea now where you are coming from, and you have my most very deep sympathy.
Susan Sontag said:
Illness is the night side of life, a more onerous citizenship. Everyone who is born holds dual citizenship, in the kingdom of the well and in the kingdom of the sick. Although we all prefer to use the good passport, sooner or later each of us is obliged, at least for a spell, to identify ourselves as citizens of that other place.