I Feel Sorry for Sorry…
I have a friend whose name is ‘Sorry’
Okay, okay don’t give me the look. I’m kidding. I was just listening to someone spill her tale of woe about her so-called ‘bae’ who practically gets on her nerves like it’s his day job and he comes back and says ‘sorry’, expecting everything to be okay without doing anything to change these habits at all. I was just there like
You are lamenting and you’re still in the relationship…
Where was I again? Okay so I started wondering how we’ve all become so used to the idea of just saying sorry and it all goes away. Let me cut the flow for a moment there and say it doesn’t all go away. It never ALL goes away. And the sooner everyone can realize that sorry isn’t just a magic eraser, the sooner the world becomes a better place.
Okay back to the issue. So this thing really annoyed me that I actually went to read up on ‘sorry’. And no! I’m not jobless. I was just…hurt.
• Sorry comes from the root word ‘sore’ implying pain, distress, grief etc
• The dictionary defines sorry as: feeling compassion for, feeling regret or penitence, used as an expression for apology
• Its synonyms are regretful, remorseful, contrite, apologetic, guilty, ashamed etc
First thing I noticed is that all the definitions deal strongly with feelings. So if you don’t FEEL sorry, why SAY sorry? I found that sorry is a very important word when it’s genuine, but just like the phrase ‘I love you’ (which I may discuss in a later post) its overuse has lessened its intended and original impact. When you say sorry it’s supposed to be like a feeling of regret and there’ll be no repeat action of what you did but nahhh. Not us.
We really do not care anymore so we just bastardize the poor word and abuse it every chance we get. I felt so sorry for the poor word. Imagine losing your prestige because of some cheating boyfriend or unapologetic friend. Because I felt so sorry for ‘sorry’, I just couldn’t stop thinking about the instances where I use it when I’m not supposed to. I even came up with alternatives for those times. So if you find yourself in any of these categories or all sef
Pls I beg you join APC and change. Scratch that. Not their kind of change but please, change!
The first category contains those who use sorry to ease the blow of something they want to say or do. They think sorry is like this very soft pillow that is supposed to cushion the effect of whatever they are saying or doing wrong. And so they say terrible and mean things to people but they start it by saying “sorry to say” so it should be cool right?? Well,
If we are saying sorry connotes regret then why start something by saying “I know I will regret saying this but…”
“Sorry to say but your dress sense is wack!” That’s still an ‘ouch’ moment my dear. Your cushion didn’t work.
Alternative: Try working on your choice of words instead.
The next category contains those who use sorry to let people down gently. You would know this if you’ve experienced these door-to-door sales people knocking on your gate, especially if you’re watching one interesting movie or even football match sef. “Sorry but I’m really busy to listen now, maybe next time”. Oga, why’re you lying
You know in your heart that you don’t regret it one bit in fact, you’ll still do it next week if they come again. Or we should talk about that guy that has been disturbing you. You don’t even like him, not even as a friend gan sef. You’ll still be using ‘sorry’ to drop the guy with style.
Alternative: Be as blunt or as vague as you can, whatever floats your boat abeg. On the other hand, you could just listen to the message or go out with the guy. It might not be that bad. I said ‘might’ ooo.
I’ll move on to those who say sorry because it’s easier to say. Let’s be realistic. Honestly, it’s easier to just say sorry than to understand how you hurt someone and work on yourself to never do it again. I mean why sit and listen to ‘cool story’ when I can just say sorry and avoid the drama.
Well. As unfortunate as it is, the cool story is what would help you to avoid hurting them next time. So that’s my alternative. Listen to the cool story.
This is just a few of the instances and the little guy (sorry) isn’t very happy with you guys for treating him this way. He just wants to be used from the heart and with a little more respect.
So guys pls from now on when you say sorry, say it in believable manner. If people don’t believe you, then your apology was evasive. Be sure you really are sorry and you don’t plan to do it again. Do it quick and take full responsibility. Your apology must contain acknowledgement(that you were wrong), affection(it must affect the person you’re apologizing to), vulnerability(don’t come and be forming jagaban in your apology) and no defense(I would believe we all understand that English).
Guys, I’m tired of feeling sorry for sorry, so please let’s stop bastardizing my new favourite word. Shall we?