I may not like the smell of your banana….
But I’ll fight tooth and nail for your right to erotically eat one
There are some people who live in anticipation of their next exhilarating encounter of the banana kind.
For them, there’s nothing better than erotically eating bananas, honing their technique and experimenting with enhancements from chocolate and caramel sauces to whipped cream and even ultra-violet and strobe lighting.
But there are others who don’t value quality time with a banana anywhere near as much. In fact, that’s probably an understatement.
In fact, it was a Facebook post by my cousin, who requested anonymity, that reminded me of the luxury of choice we have in Ozstraya.
It would be easy to take a presumptuous or judgemental line here and assume this was a classic case of first world problems from someone who didn’t appreciate the wealth and lifestyle this country offers us each and every day.
In some third world countries in Africa and South America, a banana, exposed on public transport, would quite frankly, be an invitation for trouble.
You could be mugged and dispossessed of your banana, while its unauthorised new owner derives the euphoria that only comes with slowly peeling down four sides of its thick skin and devouring its nutrients.
But actually, that hardly ever happens.
In fact, I hardly know anyone that isn’t partial to a banana or two.
Some people are so spiritually ‘at one’ with bananas, their favourite method of relaxation is wearing a freshly-arranged banana headpiece with banana antennae in both their left and right ears, to channel their inner banana.
Of course, everyone knows the CIA conceived Bananas in Pyjamas, to boost demand and therefore income from its covert plantations, by brainwashing us into loving bananas from an early age, in all their golden beauty.
So I guess that’s what kind of stunned me about my cousin’s social media post.
It suggested an intense dislike of bananas, an unwillingness to engage with one — it was kind of like racism, except with fruit instead of people.
I’m glad I resisted the temptation to comment on the post with something smart ass and dismissive.
I wasn’t prepared for what was to come next.
Traumatic Banana-Related Childhood Events
I want to know what brought on this instinctive dislike, disgust and even nausea at the mere mention or image of a banana - my cousin broke down and spilled the beans.
Something had happened in childhood, something gruesome and two of my cousins — not one — were forced to endure it. Boredom, an excess of bananas and moderate hunger were the perfect storm.
They stuffed their faces so badly with excessive amounts of banana, they were forced to induce vomiting to avoid banana poisoning.
They nearly died — but have lived to tell the tail and I will in future be more open to the idea of bananaphobia — and won’t judge those that have endured the struggle so that we can all be better prepared.
And of course, the impact of those events, compounded over many years of close encounters, while wheeling the shopping trolley through the fruit and veges section of Coles, is there for all to see.
The Other Extreme: Banana-Eroticism
In China, there are few simple pleasures left that you’re allowed, by law, to do and until now, was one of the ideal places in the world for those who liked to get saucy with their banana.
But the erotic consumption of bananas online and through private streaming shows was apparently considered a moral hazard by China’s President, Xi Jinping, who has now put his foot down and given the practice the chop.
State controlled TV network CCTV said authorities had barred live-streaming platforms from broadcasting content involving young female presenters “seductively” eating bananas.
CCTV says it’s part of a multi-pronged initiative to stamp out online content considered excessively vulgar, violent or sexual.
It named live-streaming platforms such as Douyu, Panda.tv, and YY among those ordered to clean up their acts.
Exploitation of the Banana
There are still many in the community willing to trivialise the banana by exploiting its use in misleading videos like the one above.
Even so, there is a long way to go in raising awareness on the issue of banana abuse.
At the time of writing, the “Stop Banana Abuse” campaign above had only managed a total of five Facebook ‘likes’.
Finally, here’s a video that has been seen more than 20 million times, highlighting the unfortunate fact that the sexually-suggestive banana video will always trump those which aim to educate and raise awareness of the plight of this popular fruit snack.
