The Crying Man at xoxofest
Thank you for writing this, especially for this guy who was solo crying mess for several parts of the conference and felt shameful.
First off, xoxofest was probably the safest place to feel ANYTHING. We are surrounded by 1,000 introverts! Still, as first-time attendee, it took the weekend to feel that safety and let it sink in.
The conference brought up very personal feelings that were hard to articulate when in a full crying drag. When they did happen, as a loner, I felt that I didn’t want to isolate from the crowds yet I was still was feeling shamefully embarrassed by my crying appearance.
You don’t attempt walk up to strangers when you’re crying or panic attacking. In fact, my ‘guy crying’ reminded me of this scene from the 1960's movie where Batman’s attempting to despose of a bomb.
Fight or flight kicks of the the brain part that does the socializing cuts out and all I had for thoughts was CRY RIGHT HERE or RUN AWAY. Forcing myself not to isolate, I stayed to the right of xoxo registration station. The xoxo volunteers were discreet and helpful. I even was hugged after by a security guard.
After my crying spells, if asked how I was doing by new friends, I was candid and open about my crying behavior. I decided that I would be ‘out’ about my Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD) symptoms. As one would expect at xoxofest, everyone was supportive and encouraging.
At the end of Amit Gupta’s talk, a torrent of emotions, along the fear of public crying, sparked such a panic that I raced outside of Revolution Hall, stumbling and full-on sobbing on the back steps for 20 minutes alone.
I missed Kathy’s talk out of fear of how my guy-crying behavior would be perceived and that could be distruptive .
Shame of ‘guy-crying’ is a thing, we don’t see it because we suppress expression. It’s not healthy.
I had a transformative time at xoxofest. However rough, moving through these ‘storm clouds’ was ultimately positive.
Thanks again for writing about this topic, Virginia! You’re a terrific friend.
