I wanted Forever, But Forever Never Comes Around
I’ve lost count of things I’ve planned to keep forever, but life happened. That I didn’t see coming.
I remember when I was still young and I had those weird opinions and judged life way too early, nothing turned out the way I thought. I had to let go of many opinions and principles TBH. I want to go back and tell that little girl that her fights weren’t in vain and her opinions weren’t shallow. I did want to hold on to her strength, I wanted forever, but forever never comes around.
At some point in my life, I really was silly enough to promise my friends at school that we will be BFFs, and I mapped out the entire thing in my mind. I used to meet them after I had finished my lectures, but then everything started to fade away, I started to disappear. I didn’t want to, I really wanted to hold on to this friendship forever, but forever never comes around.
There was this guy who I really liked, and I did everything to grab his attention. I decided to invest more in my feelings, even though they were totally unrequited, but I just turned a blind eye. I kept on trying, for an entire year, I had tried a bit more until I hit my cul-de-sac. I had nothing in hands, and suddenly lost interest even though I wanted to hold on to these bubbly feelings forever, but forever never comes around.
I had a solid plan to be a pianist, It was final. I really loved, still love music. Baba and everyone around knew that this is the route I want to take, it was planned. I promised my music teacher that I will hold on to this as long as I live, but then he died. It was too much pressure for me, I couldn’t. I know I promised him forever, I know I wanted forever, but forever never comes around.
I hated writing. I have no idea but I woke up one day when I was 19 and kept writing the entire day. Funny thing is, throughout my childhood, Baba tried to convince me to try and write anything. He believed I had it somewhere. I always thought he was pushing me because he loves to write and we share many similarities and, naturally, he wanted his daughter to share the same passion, it was annoying. But then, I spent the entire day writing and all of a sudden collapsed and cried really hard. No idea why but I was so overwhelmed when I did. Part of my stubbornness pushed me to defy my father and decided never to hold a pen and pen down my thoughts. I thought I will spend forever avoiding papers and pens, but life happened and now I can’t pass a single day without writing. I wanted to avoid writing forever, but forever never comes around.