Why is everyone else so stupid?
Over time, I think that one of the things that has held back my social growing is the fact that I think everyone else is stupid. Since I can remember, I’ve put myself on a pedestal, attaching too much of an importance to my intelligence to the point where it seemed like everyone else was stupid in comparison.
I wasn’t top of my class. I didn’t graduate with a 5.0 gpa either, even though some people did. This still didn’t make me think that they were smarter than me. Yeah, they worked harder than me, and got what they earned, but i was still more intelligent. I wasn’t at the bottom of my class either, I was where I was because I wanted to be there. I put about 30% effort into school altogether, and still managed to be in the top 30%. That wasn’t a coincidence.
I’ve always been aware of my own intelligence. I never thought that there was a situation I couldn’t get myself out of with words. I was calm and calculative, and in my head, that was all I needed to be. My Introverted narcissism was a weapon I wielded so expertly that it was barely noticeable. I was good.
I gave people what they wanted, portrayed different versions of myself to different people depending on what my assessment of their need had shown me. I was heartless to the ones who needed a heartless friend, compassionate to the ones who needed a shoulder to cry on. I could always morph myself into countless personalities to fit the need of the people around me. I was god.
Then… I started to ask more questions, and read more books, more articles, more everything. The strange thing about awareness is that it came with the awareness of my own ignorance as well (What a modafocken paradox??) The more I knew, the more I realized how little I knew. I could never win in this game that life and everything in between has decided to play with me. It was like digging a hole, the more I dug, the more I realized how boundless the ground was. It was frustrating as much as it was exhilarating.
“A little learning is a dangerous thing, Drink deep or taste not that Pierian thing” -Alexander Pope
Now my awareness is haunting. I am constantly disturbed by the knowledge of how little I know. This has resulted in a deep-rooted feeling of vulnerability though buried under all the smugness of my arrogance, still haunting. I now know that I know nothing, and that I might never actually know anything.
Boy did I love being smart, I loved the feeling of looking down on everyone else. What am I supposed to do with this new development? I suddenly feel naked, invisible, irrelevant. Everything that I thought was so important has suddenly lost all it’s value, and now I’m just like everybody else; Ignorant. I just threw up a little in my mouth writing that.
“I’m just like everybody else”
And now you’ve come to the end of this article in which I made absolutely no sense whatsoever, but hey, ways to keep an Idiot busy for five minutes right? *wink wink* *High five* Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.x