Where we go to learn
A great way to learn more about how to experiment with and use our bodies to the heights of pressure is to see how others have done it. This is something I found very difficult. I could talk to my trans friends, but to gather any form of detail, it needs quite the breaking down of boundaries.
While porn and erotica is not necessarily the place to go for realistic expectations of sex and intimacy, it’s a place that can give us a starting point for where to explore from. Mainstream porn, however, has a long history of focusing on the male gaze, and fetishising trans women.
But there is good porn out there! There is an increasing amount of indie porn and queer porn, which creates a space for the diversity of relationships and experiences of sex in the queer community. It won’t necessarily be a “how to” of trans sex, but seeing trans people experience sex in ways that they want, and in ways that they feel comfortable, has been invaluable for me in learning to love my trans body. I can not recommend Courtney Trouble and Chelsea Poe enough!
My eyes have also been opened to the wonders of genderqueer erotica. Trying to find erotica online that features trans bodies in a beautiful way, just brought me again and again to forced fem and magic fantasy erotica. Take me There, compiled by Tristan Taormino, is a compilation of the most beautiful erotica I have ever read, showing trans bodies in all of their wonderment and diversity.
So don’t give up, there is porn and erotica out there designed for ALL of us. It is hot, it is beautiful, and it helps me to remember the power of my trans body and all of the intimate adventures I can have with it.