A Hard Truth: Christ Loves Him More Than I
Author: Christian Sullivan
It’s amazing to me how God shows us the truth even when we are hiding from it. I’m trying to give myself, all of me, over to Christ. Embracing everything Christ has to offer.
A month ago, Matt asked me how I felt knowing that Christ loves Thomas (my precious 4 yr. old) more than I do. My heart stopped momentarily, the way it does when someone speaks the truth to me but I don’t like what I hear despite knowing it to be truth. I hesitated then responded honestly, “I know he does, but I have a hard time accepting this as truth.”
Seriously, how could this really be? He is MY child, for whom I would give my life and have felt that way since the first moment I held him in my arms.
Well, you see, God has a funny way sometimes of reminding us of these things. Even more when you’re seeking and are in a state of ‘eyes wide open.’ In the weeks that followed I found myself failing as a parent. I’m typically exceptionally patient with my son, yet I found myself losing patience, raising my voice or transferring my frustration to my son. I prioritized other needs and wants over spending quality, one on one time with him….I allowed technology to be a babysitter (shame on me). I even found myself longing for a break from him (why am I admitting these things? Mother of the year right here, people…..Mother. Of. the Year.)
But then it hit me — bring on last week’s lesson from God. Jesus would not have allowed circumstances out of his control to generate frustration, therefore he would not have taken those frustrations out on my son. Instead, he would have embraced my son and simply said, “I love you.”
Jesus would not have needed or wanted a break from Thomas. Instead he would have called to Thomas, “come to me and rest at my feet.” Boom! Slap in the face.
Yes God, I get it and will openly admit it now. Your love for my son is greater than my own. With that, I finally fully accepted the truth and even found joy and comfort in the knowledge that even when I fail as a parent, Thomas will always have a rock. For Christ is his fortress and shield, not me.
This ‘ah ha!’ moment, also brought me back to the scripture, John 3:30 — He must increase, but I must decrease. Why did this bring me here? Because Thomas has grown up without being truly taught about Christ’s love for him. In a marriage with an atheist, I as a Christian was weak and taught my son about God timidly and carefully. I can’t do it alone. Instead, I will follow in John’s foot steps. I will decrease so that Christ can increase in the eyes of my son because I know without God’s help, I will never properly teach my son of God’s love for him.
I feel like I have lost time to make up for. The commands listed in Deuteronomy chapter 6 have been ringing through my ears as I’ve prayed diligently that God will help me to teach my son of his love, that Thomas’ heart will be filled with a love for Jesus and that that love will radiate and touch those that hear his sweet little voice. The chapters I’m referring to are, Deuteronomy 6: 5–7. You shall love the Lord you God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down and when you rise.
So yes, simply put, Christ does love my son more than I ever could. It is my job, now, to ensure he knows this and feels free to love God and his son Jesus with all of his being. I pray daily that Christ will fill my heart and my mouth with the words to use and that my actions will show Thomas how great that love truly can be.