Don’t. Just Talk.

Trash Can Logic
Jul 21, 2017 · 3 min read

Another Brick In The Wall

When I got in the car he was already playing with the radio. “Why is this thing set to Fake News!” I wanted to throat punch the kid, but that would be wrong. “Donnie…that’s NPR. It has human interest stories.” He looked at me and then started assaulting my car with looks of regret. “Your car is HORRIBLE. When I grow up, I’m going to have a BIG, BEAUTIFUL car.” We merged on to the freeway and I wondered if I had passenger side air bags.

“Is that an iPhone? SAD.” He picked it up, but had to hold it with both hands because his were so small. “I know more about iPhones than Steve Jobs did…BELIEVE ME!” We sat in the fast lane, which had now become a parking lot. The throbbing in my head was getting louder. I reached down for my coffee, it had spilled of course. “That cup…it’s a LEAKER!” He rolled his window down. Then up. Then down again. I wondered how hot the coffee could be.

As we pulled into the gas station, a homeless man sat next to the air pump. The world had betrayed him and left him devoid of hope. “I’d build a big, beautiful WALL around my gas station to keep those kind of people out. And I’d make California pay for it. That’s were all the homeless people come from!” Maybe the gas station will blow up and save me.

We pulled into work. I explained to the kid that we needed to go thru security. I was very clear that he was not to upset the guard, or he would not be able to get in. “Hey Jared!” I waved at the guard, but be didn’t say anything. Jared doesn’t talk much. The other guard was Steve. “Who’s that with you? What’s your name kid?” Donnie just turned around and headed for the chair near the front door. “What is this…a WITCH HUNT!”. Jared looked at me and I just shrugged my shoulders. I got the vistor’s badge and ushered the little brat thru sececurity.

“He doesn’t look like he has the STAMINA to be a security guard.” It wasn’t even 9:00 a.m. yet and I was trying to remember if I’d taken my Clonazepam. I unlocked the door to my office and told the kid to have a seat until I figured out what to do with him for the day. I made a call. He kicked the wall. I opened up a package. He played with the handle to the office door. Then he started talking to himself. “What are you doing now?” I could barely hide my frustration. “I’m speaking with myself, number one, because I have a good brain. A big wonderful brain. And Lincoln was the president of Canada, but it’s just you know…people don’t understand that we should be friends with RUSSIA.” 9:12 A.M.

9:13 A.M. “You’re a loser. And your office sucks. I alone could fix all of this. BELIEVE ME. SAD.” I deleted the email I was working on because I was just staring at the one word I had type, “COVFEFE” which wasn’t a word at all. What idiot would think that? I knew then it was time to give up on today. On our way out, I tossed the kid’s badge in the trash. The kid turned as we walked out, waved to Jared and said, “ENJOY!”. It was going to be a long drive home. Sad.

)