A Christmas Kiss

PLOT: Wendy has put her love of community theater on hold to work as the personal assistant for high-powered interior designer Priscilla Hall. One night, Wendy’s friends decide she’s been Working Too Hard, so her makeup artist roommate gets her all dolled up with some over-the-top glitter eye shadow. Just as they’re about to hit the town, Wendy is called to Priscilla’s penthouse. When her tasks are complete, Wendy encounters a tuxedo-clad stranger in the elevator. When that elevator lurches to a stop, Wendy falls into this stranger’s arms and…they make out. At the ground floor, a bunch of carolers pile onto the elevator, and rather than get this guy’s info, Wendy runs away like a mature adult.

Turns out, elevator dude is Priscilla’s boyfriend, Adam, but he doesn’t recognize Wendy when they meet again because now she’s wearing glasses and looks…totally different?

But rather than be disgusted by someone who would cheat on his girlfriend 30 seconds after meeting, Wendy is consumed by the “spark” she felt during that kiss, and hi-jinks ensue.

(Streaming on Netflix)

QUESTIONS AND OBSERVATIONS

Adam is not hot

This guy is a low-rent Grant Show crossed with Andy Samberg, who needs a dentist and someone to manage the almost-a-mullet 90s hairstyle.

Adam is also an idiot

Wendy had eye shadow on, not a face mask. How do you not recognize her the next day?

And a chauvinist hiding behind pouty looks and Christmas spirit

We’re supposed to find it charming when Adam looks longingly at Wendy as she struggles (adorably!) with the tape measure. But really he’s just ogling his girlfriend’s much younger assistant instead of helping Priscilla nail down a guest list for the party he requested she design (for free, I’m assuming).

Also, Priscilla’s desire to attend parties at the holidays are portrayed as controlling and her meet-cute with Adam as calculating. But really, she’s just a planner, and the two are a bad match. But this movie needs a villain, so Priscilla is instead made comically evil.

The movie sleepover was a tad shady

Now, this is a Hallmark movie, so things stay pretty chaste, even in the end. But I’m with Priscilla on this one. If I returned home to find my assistant and my boyfriend cuddled up on the couch like this:

And my assistant had some sex hair like whoa:

Some shit would go down.

And what’s up with Adam’s office?

Adam’s office is in the same building as Priscilla’s penthouse? Are the zoning laws different in Boston? Priscilla also has a home office, and with Adam so close, Wendy has never had to drop something by or pick something up for her boss? For that matter, there are no photos of Adam anywhere in Priscilla’s apartment, which Wendy could’ve peeped?

Wendy, you’re a terrible designer

Wendy Beautiful Minds it all night with multiple colored pencils, bringing her vision for Adam’s Christmas party to life. Priscilla pans the effort as “repellent” (way harsh, Tai), but she might have a point. Wendy’s “designs” are #BasicChristmas. Garland on a mantel? Christmas trees? I Googled “children’s christmas drawings” and the results were similar to Wendy’s sketches.

This scene does offer the one LOL-worthy moment. After Priscilla asks Wendy what gave her the idea Adam would like such a thing, Wendy points his original copy of The Christmas Carol. “Well I own Wuthering Heights, it doesn’t mean I want to live near a swamp,” Priscilla quips. Fair point, but now I want to go to the Wuthering Heights swamp party.

Wendy, your friends are the worst

So, if your best friend said she kissed some random hottie in an elevator who turned out to be her boss’s boyfriend, I imagine (hope) your first response would be, “ew, what an asshole.” Instead, Wendy’s friends are convinced that “spark” Wendy felt with elevator rando means the two are destined for happily ever after and that she must scheme her way into his life. No one is concerned that he might be a total creep.

Also, when Wendy’s boss threatens to ruin her reputation if she spills the bean on the holiday party “designs,” her friends’ suggestion is to tell Adam and live happily ever after — rather than, you know, helping her find another job.

Wendy, Adam does not want you to live your best life

Before Wendy’s elevator rendez vous with Adam, she wanders around Priscilla’s apartment, sits at her desk, and envisions herself as successful as her boss. Well, newsflash, if Wendy does indeed become as successful as Priscilla, Adam will probably dump you for your less complicated assistant.

Wendy, that completely white ensemble is brave

(Image: Netflix)

This whole movie could be avoided with a smart thermostat

Someone buy Priscilla a Nest. The whole reason Priscilla ordered Wendy to her apartment was so Wendy could turn up the heat and make it nice and toasty when Priscilla arrived home from a business trip. With a smart thermostat, she could’ve done it from her phone.

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