A Ruined Knight in Camelot

“Come on people gather round Camelot castle… come to the sale. There’s fine English Ale for just six-pence a tankard, legs of mutton and of pork selling for a penny today.

Come along… there’s much more to see. Would you be interested in a chastity belt for your young daughter, madam?

Queen Gywenafrei wore one of these. Did you know that, Mrs. Perkins? I can see you blush from up here. Do you not know the story, Angus?”

“No. I can’t say I have.”

“Do you all want to hear it, then?”


“Put a six pence in me hat… the pretty lady in the long blue dress, God bless you madam for being so kind. O’right then…I know from where to start.

Well, The King had the belt made, and by a man known as a great conjurer of magic. From what I remember, they called him, Merlin… Merlin the magician.

Now, Merlin's belt had a magical lock. There was no key for the large keyhole… that bit would never be made and, unbeknownst to the wearer, the key-way concealed… a razor-sharp blade.

Like I said, it was a magical lock… opened and closed by a whisper… but only The King could say the conjurer's words to the lock.

You see… the belt had to protect the queen’s virtue whilst The King fought in wars and bedded whores. For many a night, Gywenafrei kept her virtue intact.

Can anyone give me two shillings for a nicely fattened swine? What a tight lot are… not even a penny?

“Hurry up and get on with it, Spruiker. I know that part. How does the story end?”

“Begging your pardon my good, sir, for I have digressed. Have you ever wondered why so many of the queen’s men are missing a finger, why Sir Lancelot lost part of his tongue? He was a ruined Knight, indeed.

Hello, again, lady in the blue dress. A gold crown will finish my story. I will tell you the knight’s tale for free.

“I am Gywenafrei your Queen and I shall pay your gold crown, Spruiker.”

“Ah, Your Grace, I value my head. Let’s leave it at that.”