What I learned not drinking for two years
Andy Boyle

Good for you. I can’t even remember the last time I had alcohol. Maybe… 2003?

As a non-drinker, it’s always been weird to me that people constantly post about needing wine or brewing beer or “doing shots of Jaeger woohoo yeah lol!” Their lives seem so sad and shallow, and there are so many of them.

This is how bizarre it seems to me: it’s as if people are posting, “Yay! Bought another futon! Can’t wait to fold out that futon!” Okay dude, whatever floats your boat.

Eventually, though, your house is going to be packed with futons. Instead of hoarding futons, maybe you could go for a walk or read a book. You’ll be a much more interesting person that way, instead of always talking about futons and shopping for futons and getting the best buzz from that new futon smell.

So yeah, good for you for getting off that futon merry-go-round. :)

(I think I took that metaphor a little too far. I need a good stiff futon.)