Ladies, some men don’t enjoy sex.

Starting fresh out the gate in high school. I was your average student in an alternative high school. You know, the kids with behavioral issues that stem from childhood abuse in both the physical and sexual kind. You know, a normal kid basically that got his work done so he could read his Basics Physics book since our school didn’t offer it.

I didn’t have sex but fooled around with the ladies in high school. The opportunity didn’t quite present itself for actual sex. By then I had ran away at the age of thirteen and was living with my father in a housing project in Rochester, N.Y. I’m not saying the ladies in the project rejected me, I just didn’t chase after them. When a lady in her teens has earned a nickname after a vacuum cleaner or something to that effect, I steer clear. Slut shaming? Yes. But I didn’t get an STD like the other guys in the project did. So, maybe I was onto something.

Flashing forward to me at 19. In the Marines. Field Artillery school in Fort Sill Oklahoma. I got presented with an opportunity. At a massage parlor named Aquarius. A beautiful black woman gave me her rate and I took her up on that offer. I remember the guys in high school or the Corps saying, ‘Dude, you're gonna bust real quick that first time.’ So, 15 minutes pass. Then 30. Now we’re at 45 and she is getting impatient. Also, this is a good time to point out that females being impatient does not help. It doesn’t. So we stop and say our goodbyes, and I go back to the barracks no longer a virgin. I chalk my lack or an orgasam up to being nervous about my first time.

‘Now hold there Tristan’. You might being saying to yourself. Maybe, just maybe, I need to get out there and experiment a little. Find out what I, as an individual, prefer sexually. Cuckolding? Been there done that, as a bull! Would not go back to that lifestyle. Maybe you’re just gay and don’t know it? Ever had a gay guy perform oral on you? Been there done that, wife was holding my hand and watching. Would not go back but will say this, women need better oral skills. What about Transwomen? Been there done that, while deployed in Thailand. Would go back if I was single. She had some, amazing, shall we say, endowments. Also, I have to point out, that lovely Thai lady is the only women that was really down for anal sex. Every other women says there is a size issue which goes against women saying size doesn’t matter. Maybe it only matters when the man enjoys it thanks to our modern feminist movement.

35, two kids and eleven years of marriage later. I still don’t enjoy sex. I find it hard to get into the act even after 16 years of an active sex life. Now, getting aroused is different than getting into it mind you. Considering that in those 16 years I’ve had fourteen, yes you read that right, fourteen orgasms. Not counting masturbation of course. You might think I’ve got this all wrong. How many men would love that stamina, or how many women would love a guy with that stamina? Well, through my personal research, I don’t like the stamina, and after about an hour or being penetrated, most women have either passed out, or start to tear vaginally.

So what do I prefer to do to replace sex? I fastidiously work out keeping about 8–9% bodyfat year round. I like camping, but due to my military experience, I prefer everything I camp with to be more suited for post apocalyptic survival than camping. Come on North Korea, let’s kick off the Fallout universe! I play both Vintage and Legacy formats of Magic: the Gathering. Plus I’m trying my hand at writing a screenplay. Why have sex when I can crank a few pages of dialogue out on my new B movie ‘T-girl Summer Camp’? Hopefully straight to DVD and Blu Ray in 2019 if I can find a company that wants to film it.

Do I still have sex? Of course. No sane hetero woman would get married and not expect to have sex with a guy. That’s just ridiculous to think of. I just don’t enjoy it and outside of reproducing, I don’t see the point.

So what was the point of this?

Summation: None.

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