You’re Using the Cry It Out Method All Wrong

And it’s screwing up your babies and our world. Please adjust.

Photo by Brandon Day on Unsplash

If you leave your sobbing baby in his or her crib, alone, for as long as it takes for them to fall asleep, you are failing them as a parent.

“But Luke!” you say. “I’m the boss! I have to set the tone and let her to know it’s not okay to walk all over me and manipulate me! Plus, the world is rough! I want her to gain independence and the ability to solve her own problems!”

  • She very much wants to feel your presence and touch. You are big and warm and you make her feel safe and loved.
  • You think you’re teaching her how to solve her own problems, but what you’re actually teaching her is how to stifle her emotions, how to think solitude is the only option, and how to think her parents don’t love her. These are not good things.

Ferberize it!

One of the greatest ironies in modern parenting is that the Cry It Out method is credited to a man who never used those words. Hannibal Lecter never said “Hello, Clarice” and Dr. Ferber never said “Cry It Out.”

Pro tip: read the room.

Most doctors tell parents to let their babies cry for a predetermined amount of time before they intervene. But this is a flawed recommendation for one key reason: As a parent, you now know your baby has different crying types.

Please stop using the Cry It Out method.

I find it totally wild and absurd that parents are willing to let their babies sob alone for an hour or more, but unwilling to take a single minute to comfort them. It does not make sense and it needs to stop. Get in there and love your babies. They’ll feel better and you’ll feel sane.

My two boys.

Bonus tips!

  1. Get on the same page with your partner. You need to be aligned to avoid conflict and to help your baby sleep.
  2. Stick to a routine. My wife and I did Bath, Book, Bed for our oldest son and we do Bath, Food, Bed for our youngest son.
  3. Cry It Out often makes babies so upset that they throw up. If a sleep training method makes kids vomit, I can safely say it’s not good.
  4. It’s okay to remind your baby that she’s loved.
  5. It’s okay to remind your baby that she’s not alone.
  6. It’s okay to not take this article as gospel. Your baby is unique and amazing, and her sleep training will differ from my sons’.
  7. Share this article with your partner and with other parents if you wish. Together, we can finally be rid of Cry It Out.

ACD and copy guy at Ivor Andrew. Freelance copywriting mercenary. Not my real hair. Get in touch on Twitter or email ltrayser at gmail.

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