What you thought and what it really meant

First appeared on my personal blog

You went to an e-commerce website to buy a headphone, the nice image somehow mislead you to an irrelevant one and you hit purchase, then you see a button called “Purchase by accident”, you immediately thought:

I just clicked on the wrong button, now I can go back. This site is brilliant!

The actual meaning was:

I just did a stupid thing, and now I’m regret!

You were browsing Facebook and you saw an appealing shoes ad with the sales price of $100 on the original price of $250, you thought:

This is a super good deal, I’m gonna save $150!

It actually was:

I’m gonna waste another $100 on my 4th pair of shoes this month!

While reading a self-help book, you thought:

This is great, I’m so motivated now. I will change to be successful!

It actually was:

Nothing new, just a nice written theory. I already knew it but I didn’t practice

When your cat was walking around and looking at you, screaming, you might think:

She loves being around me. She is so sweet!

But she meant:

I’m hungry, feed me now, my slave!

When you had a meeting and the other was still missing, she called “I’m on the way, just 5 more minutes”, you might think:

Oh, she almost arrive

But she actually meant:

I’m sleeping, what’s up? Oh shit, I forgot it. Wait a minute, I’ll be there. Wait wait wait, when I say a minute, I mean an hour!

When you felt bad and someone asked, “Are you ok? Do you need my help?”, and you replied:

I’m fine!

But you meant:

I’m not fine, but it’s none of your business anw

When you were lying at home, some called:

Are you free now?

You replied:

No, I’m busy!

Then you were supposed to say:

Yes, I’m totally free but I don’t like hanging out with you, or I’m having a good time at home

Someone asked “Can I borrow this one?”, then you was like:

Uhm, ohm

Your face said:

Hell no

When you were being asked about your success story, you told them:

Well, I saw it an opportunity, then I worked very hard and it’s got me today.

Your true story was:

Well, I didn’t know what to do then. I picked one random business. It failed. I tried another one, failed again. Then I kept trying. I started from the scratch with an idea about A, then I built B, got fucked up a lot. It turned out that C was the most successful thing and now I’m telling you about D.

You saw a random girl passing by, you walked along an said:

You are pretty!

What you actually wanted to say:

You are pretty. Netflix and chill?

You were browsing FB at the midnight and you thought:

It’s too late. I have to go sleep now!

Then, you realised:

Just five more minutes browsing to see if there’s something new. Oh not really. I have to check email… It’s been 5 minutes already, there must be something new, I have to check it out…

When you started to learn a new thing, you said to yourself:

I will spend at least 2 hours per day practising it. Soon I’ll become a master!

But, the true you said:

I’ll be learning for several days, then unless I have to use it at work, I’ll feel bored, or too busy, and quit.

When you said:

Fuck you!

You meant:

It’s not literally fuck, and I didn’t mean to fuck you, but fuck you!

When you were submitting a request and the a small box popped up:

Please wait a minute!

What it really meant:

Please wait a minute, but remember when I say I minute, I mean an hour, or maybe a year. So, good luck!