Well today is the first day that I am journaled, had a diary, whatever you want to call it when you write stuff down because if you don’t you are going to explode from what is inside you. Because I didn’t have many (or any sometimes) friends and I was raised as an only child, you either have to invent an imaginary friend or write a journal. I have always wanted to be better about writing, since during my adult life, I only seemed to write when I was upset or angry. When I was depressed or anxious (the former is less frequent than the latter as I have been diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder (GAD)) I would only write after a few glasses of wine and when I was really anxious and the world seemed very dark… I never wrote at all.
There is also fiction writing which is mostly another genre from my memoir – well most of them anyway. Human beings love to exaggerate and pad our lives, experiences and achievements. Therefore, there very well may be crossover between fiction writing and journaling.
Getting back to the fiction, I have thought in many occasions to write fiction but lately, the last 20 years, I just feel any stories and characters running around in my head. Oh well, perhaps the exercise of writing today will spark some exciting adventure that I could pen. I recently had my husband explain the movie ‘Her’ and he told me that the main character was a letter writer. ‘You can get paid for writing someone else’s letters??’ I figure sign me up
The other kind of writing that I am hoping to improve is my academic writing. I am in my 3rd year at the University of Calgary at 47 years of age and having never graduated high school although I am a prolific writer, I know that I can be better.
My mine tends to run naked and screaming towards information. I am insatiably and terminology curious. University is a candy store for me. Ooh, I want to learn everything and then I stuff so much information in my head that my brain doesn’t have enough time to properly file the information in ‘my little grey cells’ as Poirot calls the mind. I need to understand and to practice being concise and staying on point. Yup, really need help to stay focussed. (Oooh shinie thing!)
They say that university kills student’s love of reading, watching news and movies because not only do you have to read thousands of pages over the course of the term and we have been trained to analyze- everything. My case in point? Jayrox and I watched ‘The Groods’ tonight and I was analyzing the hell out of it. It kind of ruins my movie watching experience and I fear that Jay doesn’t appreciate it either, even though he doesn’t complain.
I often watch movies for their social commentary, especially cartoons. Pixar and Dreamworks have done a fantastic job of showing us the errors in the way we lively to deliver warnings about the impact of our activities. Examples include (Wall-E: Environmental repercussions, people living isolation through technology; Incredibles: don’t hide who you are & if everyone is special then no one is; Over the Hedge: Urban sprawl, living in excess and loss of habitat for fauna; Rio2: the destruction of the Brazilian rainforest and Up: don’t wait to do everything on your bucket list and when you are alone and sad – just reach out to someone and there you will find a friend.
Sometimes I’m lonely. But only when I think about it, only when I dwell on my solitary life. Most times though, I love to be ‘all by myself’ and sometimes I actually have to make a conscious effort to be alone for awhile to recharge my batteries. I don’t seem to need that alone time as much as I did in the past. My art leaves me feeling even better than just being alone does. My art replenishes my zen, my inner peace and it centres me. My art grounds me and allows me to feel ‘right.’ I am not anxious and hours sometimes go by without me even realizing it.
Right now my painting is all self taught. I am looking at Fine Art programs right now. I will finish my Political Science degree of course but I need to understand the history, the theory and the technical know how about painting and sketching.
Well I am going to sign off now. If my prose isn’t 500 words – I will make up the difference tomorrow.