Thank you. Some of this was hard for me. You say we should abandon, or reject, a person who needs help. This strikes at the core of our Christian conditioning.
But you are right that what is really going on is different. We project our own dreams into our hapless lovers. And fall in love with our own reflection. This didn't work out too well for Narcissus.
And, of course, we aren't doing our lovers any favours if we love them for what we want them to be, rather than what they are.