What movie posters on your wall tells me about you

Amélie (2001)

If you are a woman you probably identify with the Amelie character, even if you are nothing like her. Because nobody is and if they where they would be amazingly annoying in real life. The closest you ever came to being Amelie was write somebody a postcard with a garden gnome on it.

If you are guy, you think this will make it easier for you to make it with women, who identify with Amelie. And it does. And you will get bored with them within a couple of months, but you’ll keep that garden gnome postcard on the fridge.

Alien (1979)

Your room looks nothing like the one I added this poster to — it’s a bloody mess and I would be afraid of stepping on something squishy or getting impregnated with something gross if i where to get to close to the floor.

Yes it was iconic in 1979, but let it go.. and grow the fuck up, dude!

Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace (1999)

We have a few options here — either you are like 12 years old, or younger, I’ll forgive you and blame your parents. But seriously take it down. One day somebody will find a cute selfie of you what that in the background..

If you are in your twenties, seriously, who are you identifying with in this movie? I really wanna know.

If you are old enough to have seen the original Star Wars movies as a kid — and only the original movies — and have this on your wall, you are either one fubar humanoid, or a agent provocateur first class. This is just about the one most provoking thing you can do to adult Star Wars fan. Next time you throw a party, please invite me — I’m sure they are a lot of fun. Can’t promise I won’t punch you...

Jobs (2013)

This is like idiocy wrapped in stupidity and glazed with fanboyish. Okay, you like the products, but Jobs was an asshole. A dedicated and amazingly talented one, but you don’t want to be him, but don’t worry you never will. You know why? Because you put up a poster of Ashton Kutcher, the actor who plays Jobs in the movie.

La Femme Nikita (1990)

It’s an action movie — the fact that it’s french doesn’t make it any deeper or you more of an intellectual. That you should think that, pretty much proves that you are not. But the french actually do make some good action movies, some of them a lot better than Nikita. Tear down the poster and go find some of those.

You do get a couple of points, for not havong the poster for the american remake.

Betty Blue (1986)

Have you actually seen this movie since back, when you where sixteen? No, of cause not, because nobody ever will. Just watching the trailer, makes you want to stab these annoyingly childish and chaotic people with a fork and burn down their beach shack. Yeah, there’s some hot passionate sex, but really you are not like that. You want to be batshit crazy and have batshit crazy sex, but your kind of batshit crazy is more like eating a scoop of peanutbutter from the jar.

Pulp Fiction (1994)

Besides from Umas strangely photo-shopped cleavage this is actually a nice poster. Everybody loves something about Pulp Fiction and that makes it a great conversation starter — except it will soon deteriorate into people trying to do their favorite lines, celebrating stupid people saying inane contextfree crap, but in a cool way. And that’s what I think of you for having this poster in your absolutely coke, heroine, overdose, chopper and pride free home.

Zed’s dead baby, Zed’s dead.

(living room photo original from here)