Top 5 Things To Do When You Accidentally Sext Your Boss
None of these have been tested, just FYI.
Many assistants in Hollywood have found themselves in this situation before: You write a sexy text to your special someone, hit ‘send’, and off it goes…right into your boss’s text messages. After the horror of what you’ve done dawns on you, what do you do? Well, after thinking about it for a few minutes, here are the top five answers:
1. SAY IT WAS JUST A STUPID JOKE
Tell your boss you’ve been taking so many improv classes lately you were just ‘in the zone’ and couldn’t help yourself from diving headlong into this inappropriate text that seemed so hilarious at the time. Do some light chuckling for believability but turn quickly serious as you’re also a trustworthy professional.
2. PRETEND YOU GOT ‘HACKED’
North Korea, Anonymous, Russia, Kim Possible — Everybody’s getting in on the hacking game these days so it’s not that crazy to tell your boss that your phone might have been hijacked remotely by some cyber terrorists. Maybe make up something about your dad being in the CIA and that’s why you were targeted.
3. DESTROY YOUR BOSS’S PHONE BEFORE THEY SEE THE TEXT
Whether your boss is in their office or at home when the sexy text goes through, you’re going to have to Splinter Cell your way inside and smash that phone to bits. Hook a hammer or drill gun to your belt like a ninja version of Tim ‘The Tool Man’ Taylor ’cause you’ll need your hands free to climb onto that balcony. And if you hear anyone coming around the corner, throw a smoke bomb and book it outta there!
4. FLEE THE COUNTRY AND CHANGE YOUR NAME
I hear France is nice this time of year. International flights aren’t cheap, but hey, it’s a one-way ticket. Tell your family you’re going to ‘find yourself’. This should buy you about a month before they start getting super concerned. As far as names go, Eiffel Von Frenchman is a decent option for a guy and for a woman we like Antoinette Baguette.
5. FALL MADLY IN LOVE WITH YOUR BOSS
Okay, I know this one sounds like a long shot but confessing your love for your boss and getting into a serious relationship and perhaps even starting a family with them would potentially subvert getting yelled at and losing your job. ‘Fake it ’til you make it’ is a big mantra in Hollywood but it also can apply to love. It won’t be long before you look back on your sexting whoopsie as the best thing that ever happened to you.
Alright, best of luck, all you awkward assistants out there. Just remember, whatever you do, do not be honest with your boss about what happened!