Family Matters: Paying Too High A Price for My Mistakes
By Dr. Patrice Palmer
NOTE: The below story is the third in a series highlighting the voices of women across the country whose experiences and stories are helping to propel the national conversation on the need for criminal justice reform, and helping to advance the ongoing efforts to achieve reform at the state and federal levels. The series, “Women in the Justice System,” will highlight these stories throughout March here, by the U.S. Justice Action Network, and by our sister organization, the Coalition for Public Safety.
That day back in 2003 didn’t seem out of the ordinary in my world. My brother was visiting me yet again as I served a sentence for theft and drug abuse, another sentence in a long line of prison sentences I had served over the past 20 years. My family had always been a support system with my children while I was incarcerated. But it became more and more overwhelming for them to see me in the system yet again. Yet I was still surprised when my brother arrived for his visit without my kids in tow.
He told me he couldn’t do this anymore. He recounted how each time he took my children to visit me, they left devastated. It took them days, weeks to get over seeing me in prison. So he said he would no longer impose this level of harm to them and that I needed to think about my choices and the harm it was causing them.
For almost two decades I cycled in and out of the justice system in Ohio. I never thought about how my actions and my drug addiction reverberated to those around me. I thought I wasn’t hurting anyone but myself. I never took into account the emotional and psychological toll my incarceration took on my children and family. That day, when my brother showed up without them, I decided I needed to do something positive with the time I had left in my sentence. I was tired of coming back to prison. I was tired of hurting my family and my children. I would do anything to change. My brother’s decision that day became the catalyst for my lifestyle transformation.
I approached the unit supervisor and warden at the prison knowing that I wanted to try something different. They challenged me to create a path to do that. After some thought, I structured a recovery program called “Home Base” where each base in a baseball diamond represented overcoming a barrier women face when they leave incarceration — one base was finding housing, another was reconnecting with your family and so on. I knew I needed to cross all these bases to stay out of jail or prison and finally arrive home safely and maintain sustainability.
When I finished my sentence, instead of trying to assimilate immediately back to life, I entered a treatment center in Cincinnati. I didn’t know how to live life without the use of drugs or criminal behaviors. I didn’t know what life would be as someone who was sober. Again, it was hard to be away from my kids, but all my time in the justice system made me realize that I never addressed issues of addiction or depression, which were a factor in my continued cycle of incarceration, back to the debilitating darkness and gloom of the justice system.
My road was bumpy. I quickly saw how society still linked me to my past and I had trouble being seen as more than my mistakes or poor decisions. Still I was determined not to just work at a fast food restaurant or warehouse. I was working two jobs and started my college journey at Cincinnati State Technical and Community College, which I finished seven years later with a Master’s Degree from The Ohio State University.
I am proud to say I am now 14 years sober. I have four degrees, including a Doctorate of Divinity and Theology, as well as an Ordained Elder of Ministry. I’m a licensed social worker, drug counselor, and prevention specialist. Presently I work for the government as a reentry specialist within the same system that I was once was an inmate of. I became empowered by the difficulties I experienced and now I share my experience with those I assist. In fact, the program I designed while I was incarcerated to bridge the gap for formerly incarcerated individuals reentering back into society, I now use with other women through NISRE, Inc., and Jessie’s World, two program that assist this vulnerable population.
I have also taken my work beyond reaching small groups to have an impact on the entire state and beyond. Last year I was chosen to be a member of the first class for JustLeadershipUSA-Leading with Conviction leadership training program, (the only person chosen from the state of Ohio). I was also honored to testify before the full Ohio Senate on legislation that removed the question about criminal history from public employment job applications. I am even more proud to say that House Bill 56 overwhelmingly passed and is now state law. I even traveled to Washington, D.C., to brief Congressional staff on the need for criminal justice reform.
I worked hard to get where I am but I couldn’t have gotten there alone. I continually asked for help.
Throughout my recovery and reentry, I encountered strong women who supported me, guided me, allowing me to rebuild and re-establish myself.
I am still close with my drug counselor at the treatment facility because she was determined not to let me fall through the cracks. I have female professors from college who are still in my life and continue to offer positive words when I need it most. These women have made all the difference in shaping my life and I now try to return that support to the women I work with.
And of course I had my family — four boys, one girl, four grandsons — who each day make me realize why I continue to strive in a positive direction and making a difference in life.
I remember many moments when I felt like quitting and my eldest son, who I’m very proud to say is now an officer in the United States Navy, would say, “Mom you can’t quit, it’s not an option, you owe too many people too fail: You owe God, yourself, your family and the multitude of people you will one day serve.”
Through their help and unconditional love, I have learned to forgive and love myself and define my life as a beacon of hope for those incarcerated and formerly justice involved that change is durable. Yesterday I stood on the shoulders of strong women in my life and today my shoulders are the fertile ground for other women to reach their full potential in life, through breaking the cycle of self-abuse one life at a time beginning with my own.
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U.S. Justice Action Network, which works across the country to pass legislation to end overcriminalization, safely reduce the jail and prison population and related taxpayer costs, and break down barriers for those leaving prison to successfully re-enter society.
