Marriage as a tool for sexual and gender based violence; An IDP game plan.
When I asked my colleague what the beneficiary was saying in Kanuri, he replied that “Oga, I have 4 wives and my youngest wife is 5 months pregnant and I don’t know how to feed all of them (his wives and 11 children). “Alanguro Kamuayin diyau kuru kamuyin gaana din, suro unzu kinta u kuru duriayin sendi kam mayin tilon”. Not knowing the best response to his request I asked if he was right to have married another woman after 11 children and 4 wives and also this very time as an IDP and he said “I am doing what the holy book has commanded me to do in the Hadith. Before talking much about the issue, I will like to plead with my Muslim Brothers and sisters that this is not an attempt to discuss religion and hence I will not be quoting from the holy books but I will like all to help and spread the word that some Male IDP, s are capitalizing on the vulnerability of Women and Girls to promise them marriage and after a few weeks divorce same.
Marriage is an institution ordained by God and is supposed to be a topic to be carefully discussed with intending couples before they venture into the union because usually, sooner than later when couples get married they begin to have silly excuses to back out of the union and in worst cases, find it hard to cater for the products of their union. I am particularly inclined to write this piece because of the untold hardship suffered by vulnerable groups (for the purpose of this excerpt IDPS) who despite their deplorable state of living still have the effrontery to add more wives just to fulfill the instructions of the “Holy books” (Qura’an and Hadith) without also remembering the part of the same Hadith that says if you cannot marry at all, you can go ahead and fast and when you marry and cannot treat all equally, you should not marry more than one (Suratul Nur 24:32 ).
IDPs suffer a lot because of the fact that they place too much reference on religion when trying to justify their actions and inactions. But how can an IDP defend his picking another wife for himself after 3 marriages and 11 children without a job and still claims he is trying to follow the teachings of the religion?. A second question is why is there nobody talking about the increasing rate of divorce, In the far North Eastern parts of the country, thereby exposing the women and girls to sexual abuse (because in my opinion, divorcing a woman just three months after marrying her depicts the simple fact that she was never loved in the first place and the men who marry and divorce such women only take advantage of such vulnerable women to satisfy their sexual urge)? Why pondering on how best to answer this rhetoric, it is pertinent also to find out the role of the religious leaders in adequately explaining what the religion says about marriage because the society we live in attaches so much respect to religious leaders to guide them in the path of truth. However, the likes of “Sheikh Zanna Laisu Ibrahim Imam”, the chief Imam of Bornmo has only one wife (as told to me by a confidant) .The religious leaders and elites who are vast in the teachings of the prophets should please rise up the task of enlightening the lay people about the true insinuations of religion rather than twist it to suit their selfish interests. Most of the internally displayed persons I have encountered lately have complained of not been able to cater for their families because of the number of mouths they have to feed and this in-turn aggravates the sufferings of these internally displaced persons. I have come to find out from some of the persons I have chatted with in the communities I have worked in lately that some internally displaced persons wait till after every distribution to pay their dowries with the distributed items received. This feat however disheartening it is, has contributed immensely to the level of increasing poverty in the communities mostly inhabited by IDPs. From the inability of some house hold heads to adequately cater for the immediate needs (clothing, conducive shelter for their wards) of their families and exposure to severe Acute Malnutrition of children and adults alike. In addition to this, is the inability of the parents to sponsor the children to acquire qualitative education and enjoy a bit of the good life enjoyed by children in other parts of the country. This contributes to the backdrop of education in this part of the country as majority of the children we see in the ravaged towns of the LGAs are not in school and do not have a hope of joining one.
Whether as members of the civil society, religious leaders, or an individual in the position of authority, I call on everyone capable of using their resources (time, worship houses, social platforms) to counsel and guard aright that which have been taken for granted and is being abused to satisfy personal interests and this is detrimental to the economical and social growth of our dilapidated human, material and social infrastructures.
Furthermore, a critical look at the contribution of religious leaders in stopping the spread of religious in-tolerance and extremism, has shown a partisan approach employed by the 2 major religions, who in the face of rising religious in-tolerance exhibited by faithful’s of both religion, still discourage their followers not to marry each other. As a way of encouraging religious tolerance, inter religious marriage should be encouraged by both Christianity and Islam, that way we will all see each other as brothers and sisters. We should be more focused in nation building rather than preaching messages of prosperity and wealth. We should encourage morality. We can help rebuild a moral Nigeria.
