
Every choice we make, every action we take, and every effect we produce ripples to create second, third, and fourth-order effects that leave unintended byproducts. Often, it’s these byproducts that surprise us by giving us an answer we didn’t even know we were looking for.
The best things in life are byproducts. They are almost never intentional first-order effects, but unintentional second-order effects. They emerge as a consequence of just doing what you ought to do in a way that is valuable and meaningful over a sustained period of time.
…e lead of a confident man felt strangely natural. Of course, this meant that my oeuvre was all men. My love for these men was not insincere — Franzen turned me onto writing and I still swear by at least a handful of Ryan Adams records — but because they were all I knew, it never occurred to me that the aspects of myself that were distinctly female might warrant exploring, that my struggles as a woman were valid and not just me doing something totally wrong. There was no voice explaining the echo chamber I was trapped in, at least no voice I cared to liste…