Dear Sade,

I just read your messages again and though I’m waved out cos of cookies, I’ll attempt to convey what I’d thought when they first came through.

First of all, I think love, the real true one, should not be forced. Let me share something I once told the lover. I’ve now been able to love her the same way I love my immediate family members. What I mean is, the way I’ll forgive my sisters no matter how much they annoy me and will always wish the best for them, is the same way I love my lover. It’s both a romantic and a pragmatic love. On some days the love will not be as strong as it should be and you have to work at it. And on those days, you have to. Or try to. On some days, the person wouldn’t seem to be like the most attractive person in your sights, or your timeline, or your contact list, your snap, your ‘gram. But you have to constantly remind yourself that you chose this person.

And when I talk about choosing a partner, I always refer to this phrase I learnt from a podcast, “Death, Sex and Money.” It says that when you look at a potential partner you should be affirmative that the person you’re choosing holds more of all the things you would want in a partner than anyone ever would — I paraphrased. And I’ve seen somewhere that people have more than one soulmate.

I’m sure you’ve probably seen this on tumblr. Read it and always remind yourself about it. Every single successful relationship takes a lot of work. The couples everyone calls “goal” sometimes break up once in a while.. and they work at it and decide to stay together. Relationships survive a lot of times because one person in the relationship has resolved to keep fighting for that relationship to survive.

I think that you should try to meet people more and more. Preferably in new social circles. I honestly don’t know how much of people meeting you’re currently doing & all that but I think that you can improve on it. Meeting people is not an end, it’s a means to an end. And you’ll meet all sorts of people. But when you find that person who ticks your boxes and whose boxes you tick, you’ll know. You won’t force the feelings. It may or may not work out. But it definitely won’t be forced.

Thanks for sharing. I’ll be available any time you feel like talking.

✌🏽️