I Was a Men’s Rights Activist
As Told to MEL

He’s SO close to having it … but misses it painfully.

1st — Whether or not you were confused “back then” doesn’t mean your conclusions were incorrect. For instance, if you used an empirical process like 1+1= and concluded 2, then your used the right process to get the right answer. If you were an emotional wreck while using the process but now use a different process to conclude that 1+1=11 now that you’re more sure of yourself, that doesn’t mean your new answer is more valid.

2nd — Feminism focuses on patriarchy theory, the declaration of sentiments and other historical pieces which focus on English and American culture from the 1800s until today. Patriarchy theory is NOT a science because there is no logical synthesis of facts which are rigorously tested whose conclusions are then vetted across all other areas of science to state a claim about the foundational operation of nature. So no. I’m sorry. Feminism is wrong. Men are not eternally leaders of societies while women are eternally 2nd class citizens. That’s a false narrative, not a theory.

3rd — Simply because feminism is wrong does not mean that all your observations and conclusions are wrong. Nor does it mean all your experiences as an MRA are all right. You seem to present a right/wrong proposition. Instead you need to throw away the existing conclusions, assess the facts and draw your own conclusions.

Women and men in this society deal with their own gender-related problems. They experience them in varying degrees and respond to them as individuals in a variety of ways. The sources of these problems may be collectively experienced and they may be unique experienced.

Here are some examples:

Men put pressure on one another by referring to certain activities (i.e. hair dressing) or inabilities (i.e. poor throwing) as “girly.” Is it a collective/social experience? Is it unique to a particular group? Most importantly, why is this? If you do not know, don’t guess. Simply say “I don’t know” and seek a solution through empirical means.

Here’s a “women in the workplace” example. If men seem harsh on women is the workplace, is it because they ARE harsher or we perceive harshness to women from men differently than we perceive harshness to men from men? The correct answer is “both.” The correct follow up question is “To what degree?” You’d have to do a content analysis of workplace interactions to make a determination.

What things are you seeing as gender-related which are not?

What gender-related problems are you misinterpreting the cause? (i.e. misogynist men vs. people hypersensitive to women)

As you can see that as you start dissecting this, the simple answers you’re feeding yourself about “men’s rights” and “women’s rights” breakdown as you start applying a demand for evidence and applying logic to that evidence.

4th — Lastly, responsibilities. Everyone talking about rights but last time I checked society gave individuals rights AND responsibilities. A current hot button topic is “rape on college campuses.” This is certainly some of the most “grey area rape” I’ve ever heard of!

A girl goes to a party, gets drunk, passes out and a week later a friend shows her video on her getting it from some equally drunken frat boys. She clearly wasn’t physically harmed. She has no memory so the event itself couldn’t have emotionally harmed her. This wasn’t what we think of as “forcible rape” where someone creates a situation from which you cannot escape, holds you down and violently penetrates you. Everyone seemed to be having fun.

Man … people will go CRAZY about this issue. How do we resolve it? Well, what I’m about to say next will make feminist heads explode. RESPONSIBILITY!

Socially women should have a responsibility to their own bodily autonomy. It’s not a man’s obligation to ensure her bodily autonomy. Naturally, men too have a responsibility to their own bodily autonomy. If you forego your own bodily autonomy you have also foregone any consent defense. Simply put, your “emotional embarrassment” does not equal “lack of consent.”

Well, that’s certainly a controversial position! BUT CALM DOWN! It’s more of a thought experiment than a political position … but I gotta keep the readers interested. There are less salacious examples, of course. Women have a responsibility to learn how cars work. Men have a responsibility to keep the house clean. The purpose of the exercise to is to start to ask questions about responsibility. We’re not trying to take away people’s rights. However, we also should not try to give people special rights. People have responsibilities which must walk alongside their rights.

Men’s Rights and Women’s Rights Activists HATE IT when you talk about their responsibilities. What I’ve seen really ire people is the avoidance of responsibilities. We need to start having a conversation about what responsibilities we’re willing to accept, unwilling to accept and why. Once people see you are taking responsibility, they’ll be more willing to accept that you need the rights to fulfill those responsibilities. As someone once said, “With great rights come great responsibilities.”