Days | Chapter One |

Day Thirty-Six

Water licks the side of the small boat gently. The current strength is comfortable. I stare up at the dim, sunrise-lit sky. I’m not sure how long I have been laying here; my eyes wet either from tears or water that splashed up from the ocean, I can’t remember. The deep blue sky catches my eye, I’m not sure if I’ve ever appreciated a sunrise the way a sunrise should be appreciated, once in my nineteen years of life. My eyes slide slowly to the right and the delicate dark orange sun peeks over the ocean surface. I stare at the sun as if expecting a response in return. I stare yearningly, for a deep, profound realization. One singular thought to pop into my head, to tell me; snap out of it, try harder, don’t give up. Not the kind of thought that can be produced so easily with the mind, the kind that comes from your heart and every fiber of your being cries out for it to become more than just that, a thought.

Instead, no soul-firing thought arrives at the doorstep of my mind. It was stupid of me to expect anything. I am alone. I should have come to that realization earlier. I give the sun a look of disappointment.

My back is aching, stomach screaming with hunger. But of course, that is my own fault. Maybe this boat only has one person in it for a reason. Maybe I did something, at some point in time, to deserve this. You brought this upon yourself, quickly throws itself into my mind. I do not fight the thought. Rather, I let it consume me; filling my entire being.

The silence cuts through my thoughts. Who would have thought the ocean would be so quiet, so calm. In a world we have treated so horribly, the last thing I would expect is nature to be calm. Maybe this is just nature taking its rightful revenge; the longest lasting vendetta in the history of time. If that is the case, the last thing I can be is angry. I’m not sure if thinking of nature as an actual being is in fact normal, but at this point what does it matter.

I slowly sit up. The warming sun hits my stiff skin with ease and gentleness. My pain numbs itself into remission. One sob leaves my mouth, the first thing I have heard in at least a day and I am taken a bit aback by the noise. I grab my blood-crusted sleeve, pull it over my hand and slowly wipe away the moisture under my eyes. My eyes float towards shore, and I can see it in the distance; taunting me with everything that I have lost, or can lose.

An unexpected thought crosses my mind; the origin from which it came? I have no idea. Fight.

I grit my teeth, and reach for the paddles lying on the floor of the boat. Whether my pure intention was to die out here or not, I’m not sure how honest I was with myself seeing as I left the paddles in. The flame of doubt flickers in the back of my mind.

I look towards the sunrise for a moment, soaking in its presence. Whether or not I have spent a single morning enveloping myself in a sunrise, the way a human being should at some point, today will not be that day. A smile unexpectedly creeps across my face as I turn from the sunrise towards the shore and begin to row.