I Got One Less Problem Without Grindr
There is a big problem with the gay community. The fact that we’re gay is not it, so if you were hoping for a homophobic rant about how gays are ruining the children, going against God, and dressing better than you, please leave. No, I’m talking about the other problem. Gay social apps.
If you’re reading this and you’re gay, I’m going to assume that you’ve experienced one of the these apps before (If you haven’t, I pray that you don’t, or Beyonce have mercy on your soul.) If you’re not gay, let me explain some things. These apps are mainly filled with two types of guys. The guys who are looking for relationships, and the guys who are looking for relation-dicks. Generally, the people who are going to benefit from these apps are the people looking for anonymous sex. I mean sure, you hear of people meeting someone on one of these apps and actually dating them, but that seems to be the minority result. Ultimately, there are two main problems with these apps.
First problem, the idea of marketing yourself on these apps. Your profile has to be cute and/or sexy. The guy showing up next to you is the iPhone 5s, so you need to be the iPhone 6 Plus. Here’s the something that I’m not sure everyone realizes. A gay relationship means that two men. Are in a relationship. With each other. (Woah.) With that in mind, this means that you have two people, each with a very straightforward sex drive, in a relationship. Studies show that men generally have higher sex drives and stronger sexual desires than women. (And by “studies” I mean the first three Google articles that I read.) In heterosexual relationships, you always hear about how sex is a bigger factor to the man than it is to the woman. Now imagine that same regard to sex, but within both partners. Oh damn. Physical attraction stronger than Iggy Azalea’s rapping skills (But then again, so is everything else.) This means that your physical appearance on these apps is going to ultimately be more important than your intelligence, sense of humor, or whether or not you still use “txt” appreviations (Seriously, it’s 2015. Let it go.)
I actually had someone on Tinder (if you don’t know what that is, that’s a cute rock you’re living under.) message me the other day asking for advice. We had talked and joked around a little before, but of course I still judged him for asking a complete stranger advice, even though I am hilarious and wise beyond my years. Anyways, this guy asked me if I thought he should stick with these apps. He said he didn’t feel like he was using them right, or that maybe he wasn’t “selling” himself correctly. This was my response.
I stand by everything I told this guy. When we joked around before, he seemed like a sane, chill guy who wasn’t trying to stick any part of his anatomy into any of my orifices. That’s rare, and I appreciated that. It’s so sad to think that a nice guy like this feels pressured to “sell” himself correctly on these apps, as if his normal self wasn’t good enough for anyone to ever want to be attracted to it. Obviously everyone cares about physical appearance, whether they realize it or not. That’s indisputable. But these apps create this idea that your physical appearance and how you present yourself is, and will forever be, more important than who you are as a person. This is cliché as hell, but what’s inside matters. A whole lot. Sodoestheoutsideonanincrediblyvainshallowlevelthatanyreasonablehumanrealizes, but more so the inside stuff. I realized while writing this that with the two guys that I have ever genuinely, really liked, their body types never really crossed my mind. Their “cuteness” may have been the initial factor, but it always ended up being about them as people. The guys who I’ve “talked” to but really just hung out with becaue I liked making out and etc.-ing with them, their bodies were big factors.
The second problem with these apps is that they strongly promote the ridiculous as hell labels or “tribes” assigned to gay men. Twink, Bear, Otter, Masc, Athlete, and so many other incredibly awkward words are used to label and divide gay men into groups. I personally think this is hella excessive. I feel as if this not an opinion that most gay men share. (I couldn’t give two pieces of Britney Spears’ 2008 extensions about that though.) Everyone has their “type/types” of people that they’re generally attracted to. That’s fine. Having a type is normal. But I find that the the division of gay men into such specific categories is actually restricting. On these apps, you search for people in the group that you’re interested in. This means that the only guys you’re seeing on the app are the people who consider themselves to be in that group. You’re not seeing all the people who physically fit into that category.
Another issue these Hunger Games-esque divisions bring to the table is the fact that with some people, they’re so attracted to a certain body type that they won’t even look at guys who don’t meet the criteria. To me, having a type means you are generally attracted to a certain type of aesthetic, personality, ethnicity, skin color, whatever. I don’t really consider body type part of this. When it come to gay “tribes” though, body type is ultimately the only factor. I have friends who actually refuse to talk to guys who aren’t in their preferred tribe (I hate calling it a “Tribe” more than you hate reading it fyi). Not to sound rude or rain on your parade, but that’s dumb. So dumb. Like, giving Kim Kardashian a recording deal level of dumb (Seriously, have your heard “Jam”?)
There’s almost this unspoken rule within the community that you’re supposed to label yourself depending on where you fit physically. It’s creates a hierarchy within the gay community. (This part is hard for me to put into words.) It’s almost as if once you “pick” or realize your group and really submerge yourself into the community, you start to either think you’re better than everyone else or not worthy or whatever mentality is generally associated with your group. Ya feel me?
(It’s late, I’m tired, and I suck at conclusion paragraphs) Ultimately, I guess the point of this was to try to show reasons as to why you should get rid of these apps. They’re not healthy. This doesn’t apply to just gay men, it applies to everyone of all sexual orientations. They’re horrible for your self esteem, espeically if you take them seriously and really invest your heart and soul into them. Ever since I deleted them/stopped taking them seriously, I started to feel a lot better about myself. Earlier I mentioned that these apps make you feel as if the guy next to you is the iPhone 5s and that you need to be the iPhone 6 Plus. That honestly sums up everything. That is how they make you feel. But that isn’t accurate. You don’t need to be either one. What you need to be is Beyonce’s self-titled album. Allow yourself to drop unexpectedly into someone’s life, and it’ll be something amazing and worthy of a Grammy nomination.