Episode 14

I was always scared
of doing a Blind Carbon Copy
(Bcc, in short!) on anyone,
let alone you.

I would rather send
the email in question first to you,
the eagerness
to bitch about you behind your back
showing on my face,
wait for a while to forward it to the one
I did not want you to know
I was keeping in the loop.

I knew what could be done
with a piece of code,
fear rumbling in my tummy
every time it crossed my mind
that my carefully archived secrets 
could be unearthed,
my significant memories
could be forced to walk naked
down the crowded alleys,
the mob jeering at my disgrace in their head,
careful not to make their resentment obvious,
pretending as though
the rotten pieces of past you found in my closet
were stinkier than their own.

The very thought of you
catching me red-handed
with a simple hack
that revealed who was copied 
on the betrayal note
without your knowledge
used to terrify me,
as though I were Judas Iscariot
and after the revelation of my treachery
you would, with a single twisted question 
about the final kiss, 
emotionally blackmail me
into throwing the nickels at the temple
and run to the Potter’s Field.

I would later find a redbud
to tie that rope I picked up from your backyard,
all the drama associated with
wallowing in repentance and self-pity
playing out like you had planned,
culminating in a visually impactful nightmare
customized to public taste, 
purple flowers innocently falling 
on my drooping shoulders
as I hung there,
an unassuming breeze rocking me 
like I metamorphosed into the pale fluffy cradle
in which my mother used to 
let me sleep as a child, those days.


Note: From my upcoming collection of poetry: The Book of Unacceptable Emotions.

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