The Top 10 Lies/Sayings F*ckboys Use On You
Just a few months short of two years ago, I penned a piece here on Medium about this so-called new phenomenon (or should I say, epidemic/outbreak) of the recently coined, but vulgarly deemed (because how else can we put it?) term of what else: (https://medium.com/@ValBevi/netflix-and-chill-a-look-into-how-narcissism-and-f-ckboys-have-ruined-our-lives-3728ab1efca6).
I beg your pardon?
Refer back to my previous article from above, and you’ll unfortunately note that this special kind of “boy” (read “boy”, not “man”) has not evolved much from its initial origin, denotation, existence, characteristic, distinction, extinction (or therelackof), and basically any quality of its entirety. While the f*ckboy may have become more eloquent in his ways and his delivery of behaviours; his mistreatment, manipulation and discrimination still has (and continues to have) fooled, hurt and broke the hearts of even the most guarded of women. No one is immune, and while it’s safe to say there should be a definition in the dictionary — or another list maybe — of this particular type of species/child/baby (actually babies are cute, so this is an insult to babies), Freud/Gibson/the internet said it best: “ Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes”.
So, there you have it. Okay, just to be clear. I am NOT minimizing the experience or ignoring the feelings of those who actually do live with mental illness on a daily basis. They may be suffering from anxiety, depression, etc. and also be simultaneously inundated with assholes (or f*ckboys) on a daily basis. But if one were to tell me they actually became a lot happier when they eradicated the assholes, ahem, f*ckboys in their lives, I would not not-believe them.
I mean, denying everything you’re saying and putting thoughts in someone’s head and shifting the blame on you in so much that you start to believe you’re crazy and everyone else seems to as well…deserves an especially significant round of recognition that movies might call “gaslighting”, psychologists may textbook recite as “abuse”, and others may simply state are “f*ckboy-ish”.
So, how can you spot this f*ckboy more easily and make yourself less contagious to his…being? How do you avoid siituations that he orchestrates to make you feel like sh*t, invalidating your feelings and emotions to the point where you don’t know what’s what anymore?. Where you, an assuming and genuine person, perceives every other woman as a threat and unleashes the worst in herself: so far as she begins to recognize the Regina George in her and unawaringly makes comments, like “I love that bracelet. Where did you get it”?
So just like we have our phrases, so do f*ckboys. If you hear or read any of these utterances, RUN. Don’t wait and be weary. Don’t be lured into their trap. Because this is what f*ckboys say:
(Oh and if it wasn’t already obvious, f*ckboys, f*ck you).
1. “I have strong feelings for you, almost like I did with my ex”.
Okay, so maybe they haven’t completely recovered from their last relationship. Understandable. But if this f*ckboy constantly keeps comparing you to his ex and doesn’t see past his insecurities to realize what an amazing person you are, cut your losses and move on. Ain’t nobody got time for that. And also, he shouldn’t have to realize how incredible you are. He should already KNOW. His ex is an ex for a reason, though.
2. “I see potential/a future with you, but I’m also attracted to this person”.
Also a red flag. Okay, here’s where comparisons might come in; especially paranoid ones from your end. You may know her personally (or virtually, because you stalk her Facebook/Insta/Snap — we see you on the stories!). But measuring up to her is a lose-lose, because you are both two different people that might want different things. The f*ckboy isn’t a f*ckboy, because he isn’t attracted to you or doesn’t see beyond a platonic relationship with you. He’s a f*ckboy in how he responds to you and deals with it. It isn’t appearance-related, since he pursued both of you. But even if it was, let it go. Easier said than done. Make room for someone who will love you as you are. Also if he calls his exes and past flings “crazy”, discover that the common denominator is the one making them crazy AKA the f*ckboy. If that’s the case, then imagine what he would say about/do to you? NEXT.
3. “I’m not ready for a relationship/looking for one” (but am expecting to fulfill all the requirements of one without a label).
Obviously, the first few weeks of dating are reserved for getting to know the person and seeing if they’re right for you before you commit. Some know in a few days, some get married in 9 days (I’m looking at you, Britney!), some take a few months to evaluate if they’re really compatible. This is where you assess their potential dealbreakers that may render detrimental to your safety, health, or well-being. Yes, we all have flaws. But leading a girl on in any way — randomly deciding she texts too much or is too “nice” or any other stupid reason — for weeks or months at a time, convincing her to believe this is more than it actually is because you’re not “man enough” to “put up” with her minor quirks and adorable indiosyncracies when she invested all of her time and effort into you and actually cares (when you think it’s okay she puts up with your dick-ish behaviour) — is NOT okay!
4. “Your anxiety is a dealbreaker”.
Don’t get me started on this one. Makes me anxious just thinking about it. But to sum it all up, causing you to feel less than worthy because of trauma in your life or a genetic disposition that’s out of control, not your fault, or is just one part of the many beautiful complex facets of you…especially when they do things to make you upset like any human being would be…BYE.
5. “We were never seeing eachother”.
This. Not cool. You can’t brainwash someone into thinking something didn’t happen, when it did. There just wasn’t an official name for it; but if she’s giving you her all, respect that, and at least admit you were “seeing eachother”.
6. “I’m not dating anyone right now. I’m single, so I can do whatever I want”.
Yes technically, you can. You can casually date as many people as you want at once, as long as you don’t agree to be exclusive. However, stringing them along and making them all think they’re on the ship to a relationship — especially when they’re all in the same friend group and WILL find out — isn’t just inconsiderate but utterly dumbfounded on your part.
7. “This could’ve worked out, but you did this…” (ie. blames you, etc.)
F*ckboys are narcissists. They don’t take accountability for their actions and seem to express a lack of remorse for the pain they inflicted on you or others. They feel more comfortable passing the responsibility and blame on you. But when one finger points forward, ten are pointing back at you. Hello f*ckboy, your victim did not become aggravated or “crazy” or expressed human emotions out of nowhere.
8. “I still feel a connection between us/think there’s something there/have feelings for you, but also for this person and this person” (or some other lame excuse).
The f*ckboy may believe he’s being honest in letting you know he’s trying to hunt down more prey, but think twice. He does this, so you’re not “allowed” to be upset; if he treats you like it’s more than that, with his counterfeit pouty face and gentle touch. He let you know in advance and you should know better than to f*ck with a f*ckboy, right? But we will catch on his game, so the joke is certainly on him. Also, it’s practically impossible to share such intense feelings for that many people…unless you’re The Bachelor (I hate that show).
9. “I don’t want to hurt you/ruin our friendship” (then proceeds to try to hook up with you/kiss you, knowing you have feelings for them).
Why even bother, f*ckboy? You don’t make a good boy, let alone a good friend.
10. “She’s just a friend” (but she sits on his lap, he puts his arms around her, cuddles with her, kisses her and other actions inappropriate in a platonic friendship).
Sure, let me do that with all of my friends. (Rolls eyes. Notes sarcasm).